Blind Pirate Dates Really Work

Big Balloon Parade

2012-01-24T23:28:00.000-05:00

All through high school my sister volunteered with an organization that helps people with special needs play sports. Every year they march in the holiday bowl parade and this year they invited Evan to march with Auntie Sarah. I was nervous about how he would react because sometimes he gets really shy and floppy. I walked him to Auntie Sarah and gave her and her boyfriend the low down on how to manage him if he turned into that.

I had no need to fear. Our baby was a natural schmoozing the crowd!!! He took his job very seriously and wouldn't even stop to high-five us because he was smiling and waving. He did grant us a larger smile once he made eye contact with us.

Justin and I of course started bawling after he passed! We were so proud!!!!

We found Captain Jack!! Too bad Evan wasn't brave enough to actually look his idol in the face. I think he was just too overcome at seeing his idol in the flesh!!!

Shamu

such a GREAT kid!!!!!

Evan at his very favorite Mormon Battalian Center, or as Evan calls it

the Mormian Italian!!

go Justin go!

and the prize goes to ...

2012-01-24T22:57:00.004-05:00

And the prize goes to .....

ERIN

"BIG FOOT!!"

Mt. Woodsen

2012-01-24T22:54:00.000-05:00

Some might say it was only 4 miles up and 4 miles back, but I say doing that with a 2 and 4 year old over some steep parts with big rocks is pretty impressive! I do believe the prize must go to Justin though! He hiked up carrying a sleeping Landon at the end.

At the top there is a really cool rock that juts out. This is only picture that we got where Evan was looking at the camera. He kept looking at the view behind us ... which makes sense. Oh, and he wasn't afraid to go on the really thin ledge like his wimpy Mama was. To my defense though ... do you see that ledge? There really isn't much to it. At some point its going to decide it just doesn't want to hold people anymore and break.

We ended the day with one of Evan's favorite activities ... burning marshmallows in a bon fire. Does it get any better? Yes it does! The marshmallows were the biggest thing I have ever seen! Seriously the size of my fist. Oh and Mandy came over with her crew! I LOVED that!!!

It was a great and mellow day.

Christmas Day

2012-01-22T23:24:00.001-05:00

I love that Christmas was on a Sunday! It makes it that much easier to be focused on Christ during the entire day. What it also meant was that the "materialistic" part of the day was split into multiple sections.

We started the day with the boys jumping on all of their Aunties and Uncles (with our help ;-) to get them up for the day. Evan was absolutely convinced that he had heard a thump on the roof in the middle of the night. He knew it was Santa and was just beside himself excited for what was awaiting him under the tree.

I LOVE the magic of Christmas and watching that joy in my children's faces is more precious than any word can describe. We boogied downstairs with the whole family and opened our Santa gift, gift to Jesus , and rifled through our stockings. Then it was time to get pretty and head off to church.

Church was so fun for me. It was the special Christmas program in the congregation I grew up in, and I sang in the choir next to my mom and played my oboe (probably a little better than I did in high school). I loved it!! Every moment!

I just think this is a funny picture of my Sis-in-Law, Sharley.

After church we came back home and dived head first into our present opening routine. The boys got everything they asked for ... and more. Thank you everyone for spoiling our children! :-)

Some of the main gifts were:
Santa brought Evan a pirate Lego that he asked for and Landon the cars Lego that he asked for.
Auntie Sarah gave us a bunch of pirate stuff, including a well loved Captain Jack.
Landon got a Rapunzel doll from Mommy and Daddy and he slept with it the rest of the week we were in San Diego!
GG got Landon a back pack. To say he is in love with his back pack would be an understatement!!!!!
Grandma made them some snow balls to use inside the house.

There are more, but my fingers are now tired and I need to finish this blog ;-)

After presents came our phone call with my brother Alex. He is on a mission for our church in Chile and his mission president lets him Skype in. I love that he can use Skype because it means that the entire family can talk to him, even Brandon who spent Christmas in Texas. It means so much to be able to see him and meet his companion. Even Sheba (our 18 year old cat) got in on the action, and we all got to meet Rosalie (my brothers baby who was born 2 days before Christmas). It was a perfect day!!!

Oh the magic of Childhood captured in a photo!

Yeah the day was THAT good!!!

Christmas Eve

2012-01-17T00:47:00.002-05:00

Shopping at Costco and then to the Muppet movie. Now the boys will randomly spit out ...

"Mom, am I a man? No I'm not a Muppet."

Every Christmas Eve our family has a talent show. Ben made his home made tacos ... yum yum yum!!!!

Ben's beautiful helper Sharley

With my boys being the only children in the house everyone jumped onto their love of swords.

Nobody is spared from the danger that the sword can impose

Evan was so excited to perform his talents ....

He wanted to show everyone that he could defeat me.

.... and to drink milk like a cat.

Daddy did push-ups with the kids.

... and Landon sang "Red Solo Cup!!!" It is so CUTE when he does this.

Then came the time to open the Christmas Eve presents. Evan was really REALLY excited until ...

.... he got the present open. Evan's fit lasted a long time.

So Trevor decided that he would join in when he got pants from Alycia.

Evan finally calmed down when he realized that Santa wouldn't come the next morning if he continued.

and then we played Telestrations all night long!!!!! This is Justin's drawing of ....

(I will reveal the answer in my next post)

Our Christmas Break ... Day 1

2012-01-14T12:31:00.002-05:00

Now that pictures are mostly consolidated (thank you daddy!) and I have now purchased food for our family I can start up on my poor neglected bloggy blog.

The flight to San Diego was crazy! Our flight was switched and we ended up with a 5 hour layover in Salt Lake City. Not a fantastic idea for anyone, let alone a family traveling with a 2 and a 4 year old late at night. Of course we gave it a bit of Palmer magic and it turned into the BEST layover of my life. Justin has some cousins who live near SLC and they found some carseats for the boys, picked us up and we hit the town. We ate at Cafe Rio (oh how I miss that place!) and walked around temple square looking at the lights. It was awesome!!!!!

We got back on our flight no problem but were delayed for de-icing. We pulled into the airport in San Diego an hour and a half late!! I swear we were the last ones in the airport, but the pilots gave the boys some wings so it made it all worth it for them :-)

The next day we hit up Disney. Yes folks the day after our crazy travel day we went to Disneyland. It was COLD!!! I mean ... really cold! What else can you say? I loved it, the boys loved it, everyone else loved it! I am such a Disney girl, its ridiculous :-) I think my little Landon is going to take after me. Every single day since this first day at Disney he has asked if we are going to go back.

At the end of the day Justin, GG, and Sarah took the little boys home. I stayed for another hour or so with my parents. I realized that I can't remember a time that I have been alone with them. I am the oldest of 6 and I literally can't remember a time I was alone with both of my parents. It was such a treat for me and a time that I will literally treasure for so long!

(Funny side note: When everyone first left we still had GG's wheelchair so I hopped in. My Dad was sweet and said, you don't have to get out I'll push you. I realized then that the last time I was probably truly alone with both of my parents was right before my little brother Brandon was born and I would have been pushed in a stroller. It made me laugh how we were repeating life.)

Landon HAD to get his picture with "Winnie Pooh". He was in awe!

We had the BEST lunch EVER at Louisiana square

I haven't been on Mr. Toads ride for a long time. Did you know that you die and go to hell on the ride?? Not really my favorite.

I finally figured out a way to make this little boy sleep! Take hime to Disneyland ... it wears him right out! ;-)

By far my favorite experiences this trip were seeing the Haunted house and It's a small world decked out for Christmas. Especially "It's a Small World". It was gorgeous!!!! I was in awe and the boys were in awe!

did I mention that it was cold?

It's a small world at night

they even made it snow

I got to see an old friend of mine who works at Disney. It was nice to see Kim again.

Chase the Sun

2012-01-03T17:54:00.000-05:00

So glad I stayed! Justin is back home in the cold so he can work and I am soaking up the sun in beautiful San Diego! We've been to the beach twice and today the boys took a nap and I got to lay in the sun listening to music. I honestly can't remember when I got to do that last. AMAZING!

what could be better?

2011-12-31T02:04:00.000-05:00

What could be better?

My home, my family, my longest friends.
My Mexican joint, Christmas, Disney, Sea World.
My mom's Christmas cooking.
A new niece, a Skype call with my brothers, playing oboe in my home ward.
Games and movies.

It's busy, but it's awesome!

Merry Christmas everyone!

I was on TV!!!

2011-12-09T12:59:00.001-05:00

We are famous!!! Well ... sort of :-)

Check out our TV interview

HERE

2011-12-08T10:38:00.001-05:00

Can life possibly get busier right now???

I think not.

Tis the Season

2011-12-03T12:37:00.001-05:00

I have explained this before but Evan's immune system pretty much sucks, which means that every fall/winter we are on constant edge about his health. His first winter after being diagnosed Evan was sick every other month for about a month and a half (September-May). He was on antibiotics each time because he just wasn't able to shake it by himself. It was then that I became a mother on a mission. How do I keep my child healthy without taking away the fun that life is supposed to be. I am not going to limit his life but I want Evan to stay healthy ... how. We are now well into our 3rd cold season since then and I have learned and tried a lot of things, and been able to narrow down to what really works.

Besides all of the things I do to keep Evan healthy (the list is really long). One of the other biggies is that I stay healthy. If I can keep myself healthy it is way more likely that I won't pass anything on to my kiddos. Last week I was feeling a cold wanting to come on and I had my period. Check out the pile of pills that I take on a week like that!!!

So far this season Evan has been sick once and it was pretty minor and short lived, which in and of itself is a huge miracle! This house is the reason he was able to shake it so quickly. I am so grateful for this house!

--------------------------------------------

Remember the demise of my ornaments? Well some asked if they were at all salvageable. One of them was somewhat saved .... this would be the outcome of the rest.

:-(

My Crazy Boys

2011-12-01T00:10:00.001-05:00

We got the boys these yeti hats when Justin and I went to Banff. They love them and run around the house "roaring" at everyone. Today there was a pretty major snow storm in Calgary and the snow monsters officially stepped out into public!

During church I got called out by Landon's nursery leader. He had pooped his pants pretty badly. This is how he left church. That should give you a good indication of how badly he blew out.

Some Landon-isms: "soom"= spoon
" firate"= pirate
" nigh nout"= time out (he is constantly putting his toys in time out for "two minutes!" I wonder where he got that from??)

We made our neighbor/friend gifts for Christmas this year. Landon is "ho ho ho-ing" like Santa.

Justin took Evan to the hockey game and so I took Landon to an indoor play yard. He loves that place and we really only get to go when Evan isn't with us because it is really difficult to haul him through all of the tunnels and ropes courses etc. Landon made a friend and boy did he run around. I was totally out of breath trying to keep up with them. He is such a little energizer bunny!!!

Here is a picture Justin texted me of Evan at the hockey game. He LOVES LOVES LOVES going to hockey games and guess what he was cheering to encourage his team???

GO TIM TEBOW!!!!!

(gotta love it!)

2011-11-27T22:43:00.001-05:00

I don't know why I'm feeling like it is hard to keep up with my life, but for whatever reason I am. We were able to have quite a bit of fun this last week. First things first ....

CHRISTMAS has arrived in the Palmer home! I love Christmas, love love love it!!!! Because we are leaving this month we made sure we went early to get our tree. The problem is that with the move and still having some of our things in storage we don't exactly know the location of all of our Christmas decorations. We had fun putting up what we had available and figure there will be more ornaments on the tree next year. We were loving how pretty it all was and then tragedy struck. Our tree fell down (no idea how) and smashed all, and I mean all, of my breakable (special) ornaments. I had my cry and will post a picture of the damage after I get them off my phone.

Justin and I have never had a night away together since we had kids. Some of that is because we really like hanging out with our kids. Another reason is because Evans needs are very specific that we really need to feel comfortable with who we leave him with. The last reason is that we have never had the offer from anyone to allow us to go.

My wonderful friend Kristen knew that we were really needing some alone time to re-connect as a couple and she and her equally wonderful husband offered to come to our home and watch our boys. We quickly took them up on their offer and will be forever grateful! Justin and I drove to Banff for a night and a day while our boys played with 4 of their best friends. I'm sure they got into all sorts of mischief but I know they had fun!!! Justin and I needed that time together. We ate at a fondue restaurant and then had the best brunch ever created (ever) at the banff springs hotel the next morning. We loved that time together, THANK YOU!!!!

check out the meat cooking in front of Justin ....

that is a frog leg cooking in the middle!

2011-11-20T22:57:00.001-05:00

I can't believe that more people didn't comment on my rocking night with vampires!!

Breaking Dawn Release

2011-11-18T23:15:00.001-05:00

If you live under a rock I should inform you that I LOVE LOVE LOVE the twilight saga! I love every little bit of it! I am even one of those people who get a little angry if anyone says anything negative about any part of it ... books or movies. I admit that I am fanatical about the story, the characters, the actors and I am NOT ASHAMED!!! You can't see it in the pictures but I even went sparkly :-)

Last night I was, of course, in the first viewing of Breaking Dawn: part 1. Luckily I have friends who are equally fanatical and Janae decided to throw a party beforehand. Did she ever hit it out of the park!!! She did such an amazing job!

The cuisine was a nod to the Cullen's vegetarian diet and we even ate mushroom ravioli (the meal that Bella orders on her first date with Edward). We drank "blushing bells" and an eerie blood red mixture. I made "puppy chow" because Jacob ends up becoming a part of the Cullen family so he's going to need something eat ;-) but the best dessert (HANDS DOWN) goes to Erin. She made bleeding cupcakes!!!!!

INCREDIBLE!!!!

Check out Kristen's vampire eyes!!!

I got Andrea and Janae gifts. Andrea got a Jacob barbie and Janae got an Edward barbie (yes, ladies and gentlemen ... Edward even sparkles!)

The theater was awesome and I had such a great time!!! We were all giddy and giggly and kept taking various kinds of pictures with the cardboard cutouts. It was soooo fun!!!

so it might be a picture with a werewolf and not a vampire but I had to include it! Amy's picture ROCKS!!

Amy made this for me and I just can't get enough of it!!! The whole drive home I would look at it and get butterfly's in my stomach. I literally thought about the movie all day today and CANNOT wait to go again. Hopefully it will be soon.

a great weekend

2011-11-14T12:05:00.001-05:00

Before this next weekend hits I wanted to at least post this picture of last weekend. We got to go to my nephew, Logan's, baptism. It was funny ... when Logan was baptized Evan cheered with a loud "woot woot!!!"

Congratulations Logan

2011-11-13T01:16:00.001-05:00

Landon went to a play place with his cousin and daddy today. He now has a bruise over his other eye. :-/

One of my favorite things about this time of year in Calgary??? Still no snow ... thank heavens. Canadian Thanksgiving is over so people start getting really excited for Christmas (totally my style to start early). Right now you can drive down the street and still see some halloween decor up in front of one house and Christmas lights and a tree in the window of the next.

LOVE

Landon's tough week

2011-11-11T16:20:00.001-05:00

So this little guy has had a really tough week.

Tuesday he woke up with dry blood all over his face. He'd had a massive bloody nose in the night and it would randomly bleed during that whole day.

Wednesday he fell and landed on his mouth. He cut his bottom lip pretty badly and its still pretty puffy.

Thursday he fell and clipped his eye on the corner of a chair. He cut the bottom and the top and woke up today with a pretty sweet black eye.

Today we were at the science center as a family and Landon was playing inside the jungle gym. I watched a little girl try and take his ball away from him and Landon wouldn't let her take it. She promptly scratched his face (tiger style) and stole the ball. It takes A LOT to hurt Landon and I could tell that he was hurting pretty badly. I managed to get my adult body up the child size rope course impressively fast and "save" my baby. By the time I got him his face was really swollen and it was clear (on both sides of his face) where her razor sharp nails had got him.

I took this picture just after he woke up from his nap. Now that the swelling has gone down it is clear to see the additional wounds to his face :-( (there's a small nail scratch on the other side as well).

The funny thing is he keeps pointing to his face and saying "She scratched me."

Poor guy

Bella's Bridal Shower

2011-11-08T00:09:00.003-05:00

I LOVE the Twilight Saga!!!!!!!

I DID go to Bella's bridal shower tonight at the movie theater.

I got to watch 20 minutes of extra footage before seeing Twilight on the big screen again. It was one of the BEST nights ever being able to replay Twilight on the big screen. I cannot even tell you how much I love it! I love, love, LOVE it!!!! I love everything about this story! How lucky am I?? I am so glad that Janae and Andrea were able to go with me ... oh and they gave us flowers! Oh how I can't wait for the premiere of Breaking Dawn!!!!!

More House Pictures

2011-11-05T01:57:00.001-04:00

Alrighty, here is the remainder of our main floor. We had to put a hold on some of the plans (you know that whole money thing) so forgive the music room and the office which can't be unpacked yet because of that reason. I promise to show before and after pictures though.

Here are a couple views of our kitchen

This is the walk through from the kitchen ....

into the pantry........

into the storage room.

Now this room is special. Not only does it give a home to the games and crafts BUT its main purpose is to house all of Evans extra equipment. In our old home his extra's would line our walls and take up so much space. They are as small as they are ever going to be so it is such a blessing to have a room specially made to be a parking lot.

(In case you are curious Evan currently has 4 pieces of mobility equipment that he uses on a regular basis)

Here is the main floor bathroom.

We put in progressive toilet seats so that we don't have to worry about potty seats and taking it on and off for Evan (he will always need a smaller toilet seat).

The hallway just outside the garage and main floor bathroom.

wrap around from that and you are in our front entrance. Do you see the white door on the left?? THAT my friends is the elevator. The room on the right is the music room.

view from the front door.

picture of the stairs taken from the music room.

Finally you make a full circle around to the music room

and ending in the office.

Well my friends, I hope you enjoyed the tour of our main floor. When my life settles down a bit more I will post pictures of the other two floors. Finished or not ... I promise they will come. Now I am going to start getting ready for bed. It is picture day in the symphony tomorrow and I want to look nice ;-)

Enjoy these sweet pics of Landon's play date the other day. SOOOOO CUTE!

Goodbye Halloween

2011-11-02T11:30:00.000-04:00

Thank you to Kristen for providing the materials for my awesome "themed" nails. (Oh and they glow in the dark!!!

I can't believe that Halloween came and went! I LOVE the holiday and even got to go out trick or treating with my boys this year. Thank you Mark and Lanny for handing out candy!

We had a cousin pizza party beforehand and then went our separate ways for the candy getting.

the boys were OBSESSED with this feature sitting on our friends lawn.

our neighbor had a very clever outfit. Yes that is a real pumpkin on his head.

the LOOT!!!

needless to say the boys were wired!!!! It was a great fun night!

Halloween

2011-10-28T02:33:00.000-04:00

I LOVE LOVE LOVE holidays!!! The natural closeness of a community and family that comes from the holidays are so uplifting for me. Halloween is one of my very favorite holidays.

Remember the "memorable" trip to the pumpkin patch??

This is what we did with the beauties that we brought home with us.

Tonight my friend, Kristen, and I hosted a trunk or treat at the church. We kept it simple and had a REALLY good turn out. I even ran out of candy! It was fun and I am so glad that we did it!

Now for the BIG reveal .........

we did a family themed costume this year!!!!

Justin and Evan both won awards for their costumes :-)

could not get a better picture of Landon!!! He would stop running!!!! (such is my life ;-)

my knight is shining armor!!!!

My co-conspirator!

yeah that's right .... we pimped out our van even better this year! I need to do some more research on how to better attach things to the ceiling inside our van. All the lights and streamers kept falling down :-(

Tender Mercies

2011-10-22T00:16:00.001-04:00

I have wanted to write this particular blog for a while, but really needed to have some significant time to be able to write it as effectively as I possibly can. I have that time tonight so here goes.

Life is hard. That really is the point of it. We are sent here to be tested and tried, but God knows us so well that he gives us the things we need ... good and bad. It is so easy to see the trials because they are all encompassing at the time. From extremes in infertility to physical disabilities, and rejections to being jobless. Justin and I feel like we have been given a lot of trials. There were times that I questioned whether God really knew how strong I was, because there were so many times I felt I would break. The trials aren't what I want to talk about right now, but they factor into what I am feeling.

I am grateful!!! Sure I am grateful for everything that I learned/ am learning from each experience but that isn't even what I mean. I feel like there is nothing wrong in my life right now. In fact I can't believe how well everything is going. I feel like I am literally the luckiest girl in the world because I get to be me right here, right now. Some would say, "I'm just bracing myself for the bad, because it's coming." I know the bad is coming (it can't be avoided), but I am not spending my time bracing myself. I have been spending my time LOVING this amazing wonderful ride I am currently on. It is going to be these moments of tender mercies that get me through whatever is coming next. It is like Heavenly Father has said, "Kira and Justin, you have gone through a lot. I know you are grateful for the miracles you have experienced throughout the years, but I also know that those years have been hard, really hard. Here is a pillow to rest for a little while. You deserve it. Take a nap."

I love my life and I want everyone to know it.

A Fish and the first pictures

2011-10-20T00:34:00.001-04:00

So we had a cement slab poured so we can get our pool in next week. The "cement guy" and I were talking about the lake. I told him that our neighbor had pulled out some REALLY BIG trout. Next thing I know I see "cement guy" fishing outside while his employees (he's the owner) are slaving away. He didn't catch anything that day, but the next day I see him pull out a HUGE fish. So Ashley and I run the boys out to the dock so they can see this sucker.

I made the comment that he should keep fishing and catch me a fish too. Next thing I know it is the end of the work day and he has given me the beautiful fish. He did offer to gut it for me, but I figure he gave me our dinner, the least I could do in return was gut it myself.

Now I do know how to gut a fish, but I have never gutted a fish this big. I would have had an easier time if I had a sharper knife, or bigger hands. I cut my thumb ... pretty badly. The cut still hasn't come together (like I can see straight through it), but unlike my sisters accident I didn't go to the hospital and I will survive. My thumb really does hurt though and because it is open it catches on everything!!!

Landon fluctuated between super excited, curious, and scared. He would touch it and run away and hide. It was super yummy and we have a ton of left overs.

I just wanted to share a picture of Evan using his new piece of equipment. Living in this house Evan is able "walk" around. I love seeing him use this. I love that our home is now one that enables Evan to be the best he can be.

And now what you have all been waiting for ..........

I don't have a ton of finished rooms, but this is one of them. I promise I won't wait to post pictures until everything is totally finished, but I want as much order as I could have when I share the pictures.

With that said ... I LOVE this room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Do you see the lake?

the nook by our stairs

I love love love our view. I took this picture tonight from our bonus room.

I didn't realize until after we moved in that we have mountain view!!! I was so focused on the lake and the water that I didn't realize we had the mountains too.

I really feel like I am the luckiest girl in the world right now.

I could lie, but .....

2011-10-18T00:44:00.000-04:00

I have always prided myself in the fact that my blog is full of the truth. I will always tell the truth ... good bad or ugly. That is why I COULD just post these beautiful pictures of our trip to the Calgary Corn Maze and pretend it was a great outing for our family. But the truth is ........

...................these pictures are a better depiction of our family outing.

We can pretty much call this family activity a BUST! :-)

at least I did actually get some cute fall pictures of my little men.

Evan's prayer

2011-10-14T22:55:00.004-04:00

Dear Heavenly Father

Thank you for me!

Now if I can keep this attitude up through his teenage years I think I'll call my life successful!

Love Letter #2

2011-10-12T23:56:00.002-04:00

Dear Landon,

There is one phrase that everyone (including myself) is constantly saying about you lately ... "he is soooo cute!" Your little BIG personality is infectious and I am always looking at you and admiring this age you are at. I love how curious you are about EVERYTHING! I love your zest for life. You totally give me a run for my money and I didn't have to start dying my hair until after your arrival into our family, but I would trade my virgin hair any day for the times I have had with you. I love that you are really turning into a little boy and as challenging as it can be, I want to keep you at this stage of life locked up in my heart forever!

I love how much you love your brother! He is your favorite person on the planet and I adore seeing you interact with him. I love your awareness of others. Your "bull in a china shop" personality might make it seem like you are careless, but in truth you are unnaturally aware of others needs for your age.

You added a level of excitement to my life the day you arrived to our family.

I love you!

Love Mommy

Love letter #1

2011-10-12T01:35:00.003-04:00

Dear Evan,

What can I say?? I can't believe how grown you are. You make me laugh every day. You are constantly coming up with AWESOME one-liners and I can hardly keep up with them. Sometimes I wish that I could have a personal videographer follow you around just so I could have your best footage on tape. You are funny and sweet at the same time (the perfect combination).

I am so proud of your little body and your ability to push it to the limits that you have been given. Whenever you say "No Mom, I can do it" I want to melt because that is music to my ears. You have such inner strength that so many people could benefit from. Even when you don't want to initially do something I ask you to do because it is hard you will eventually push through and do it anyways. I love that you trust me.

I secretly wish that the pirate phase you are in right now won't end. I love that you think you are a real pirate. One time when I asked if you wanted to be a missionary when you grew up, you got very angry with me and insisted that you were going to be a pirate and nothing else.

I'm sorry that I passed on my fear of spiders to you. I guess we are just going to have Landon kill all of them for us. ;-)

Evan you are such a gift to me.

I love you!

Love

found a cord

2011-10-07T01:12:00.002-04:00

Ok, I at least found one cord to hook up to the computer!!! Here are the lovely happenings at our brand new house.

no joke ... this hole was about 30 feet.

So we still don't have a driveway. The rebar is in and we are waiting for the weather to improve. Hopefully we will be able to stop parking in the street soon!

2011-10-04T01:02:00.000-04:00

I was supposed to deliver a baby today.

It makes me sad.

I'm grateful that there were people in and out of my house all day long and for the friends that came over tonight. I don't think they knew and the noise was welcome.

Has it really been this long? It feels like yesterday for me.

2011-10-03T01:12:00.001-04:00

I sooo badly want to show pictures of what we have been dealing with. It involves poo water coming up out of the shower drain in the basement, a pipe that wasn't attached properly to the city sewer system, a 30ft. hole in our driveway, and the loss of cement in said driveway.

Hopefully they will get the cement poured this week.

I'm glad it is fixed and we can shower and go to the bathroom, but I'm sad that I can't find the cords to download pictures.

The house is very slowly coming together though, which is wonderful.

I think that Ikea might love our family right now :-)

Evan's prayer

2011-09-28T13:15:00.002-04:00

part of Evan's prayer today .......

"Thank you that my mom is in love with me"

THAT makes me so happy!

do you like to feel good??

2011-09-28T01:21:00.005-04:00

There are some things I have seen lately that just make me feel good. I wanted to share them with you because who doesn't need a little sunshine in their life??

This is exactly what I hope my life will be.
I can't believe I'm already to the short hair phase of my life!!!!!

My sister sent this to us. It is so beautiful!!

WARNING: You WILL cry!!! We watched this at a Muscular Dystrophy camp out a week and a half ago. For someone who has a son who is disabled .... it touches my heart in more ways than I can even express! Enjoy

cleansing

2011-09-22T01:55:00.001-04:00

So one of the things about moving is the need to cleanse. I am feeling a deep desire to cleanse anything and everything. One of those things is the camera on our cell phones. We both finally added the pictures from our camera and I wanted to share just some of my favorite from the summer.

crazy how similar these boys look

Landon put his lion in timeout ... it was so funny!

One of my favorite things that I tell all MOMS about are nail decals. I have been using these for almost a year. My friend tried them and, of course, LOVES them. Mine are the leopard print, she chose the houndstooth pattern.

This is a picture of a GREAT man!!!!!!

We sold cupcakes for Safeway as a thank you for our elevator. Evan was an incredible little salesman.

THIS is how our family has been living for the past 2.5 weeks. In the old house and the new house we have all been living in boxland. Hopefully we will be out of it again soon ... and then ... never ever again!!!!

2011-09-16T16:27:00.001-04:00

New homes are awesome!

Moving Sucks!!

(more later ... glad I have internet again :-)

I'm such a boob!!!

2011-09-07T15:04:00.002-04:00

Summer is over :-(

Justin stayed in Montana with Landon on Labor Day. (more on that later) Evan and I had an Evan/Mama date day. Evan really wanted to go to the Dinosaur Museum so that is what we did. It was such a gorgeous day and ended up being a perfect day as well. We slept in, had a picnic, went through the museum at Evan's pace, signed up to make a fossil and drove home to get to sleep early.

It was a perfect little day for us and a great last day before school started.

Yesterday was a HUGE day for Evan. We had our clinic day at the hospital. That means a really long day for us. It went well and everything is going really well for him. We had some good long talks with the doctors that we needed to have some good long talks with and did some blood work, got new velcro on our braces. After 4 hours at the hospital we were still able to make it to an hour of school.

I can't believe how much Evan has grown!!!! It blows my mind!!!! He is such a little man now. I put him on the bus today and he couldn't have been more excited! I, on the other hand, couldn't have been more conflicted. I am so excited for him. I know school is a good thing for him, BUT ................ I just want to freeze time. I struggle with my kids growing up. Obviously I do want them to grow up, I just really love my little kids. I love my time with them, and I LOVED having them with me all day during the summer.

I cried as the bus drove away with my smiling, happy, wonderful son. I love you Evan. I hope you have a GREAT school year!!!

Evan and Miss. Kyla

now I need to plan an Landon/Mama date.

Josh Groban sweat on me!!!!

2011-09-03T23:29:00.006-04:00

So pretty much I have had the BEST birthday week of my entire life!!!!! I mean I seriously couldn't have asked for anything better to kick of my final year in my 20's.

I have so many things to say about my birthday week, but since I am unable to download any of my pictures yet I will just talk about the day before my birthday.

I knew we were going somewhere. Justin told me to dress up. That is it!

We get to the saddledome and I start to get an idea of who we are seeing. Justin had me guess.

Justin: "so your hint is that it is a boy, and you really like him"

Kira: "have I dreamt about him??"

Justin: "I don't know, maybe we should turn around right now ;-)"

Kira: "is he a singer that i have been in LOVE with since before I loved you?"

Justin: "I don't know. I'm starting to question getting these tickets."

Kira: "does his name rhyme with Smosh Smoban?"

As soon as he spilled the beans I got butterfly's, I couldn't stop smiling, and I started to question my choice of outfit and wish that I had the time to do my hair. Almost immediately after that I began to grieve the fact that Justin didn't tell me to grab our camera.

And then ............

We went to find our seat. We walked closer and closer and closer to the front. Finally we pause at ROW 6!!!!!!!!!!!

How lucky am I that one of my friends was sitting in the row directly in front of us and she didn't forget her camera, so she emailed me her pics. Thank you Katie!!!

This concert was a dream come true for me! I have wanted to see Josh in concert since the summer of 2002!!!! It was 2 hours of bliss for me. I can't believe that we were sitting so close I could see every single detail, every line of sweat coming down his face. Josh even ran right by us while picking people out of the audience. Instead of us he picked a couple in the row behind us to go up on stage. It was just amazing!!!!

Heaven Heaven Heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I DID IT!!!!!!!

2011-08-29T22:37:00.003-04:00

I did it!!!!

I mean I actually did it! I nailed my audition!

Let me start at the beginning.

One month ago I got the call for the audition in Red Deer. You might remember last year when I had an audition. I didn't make it, but a lot of good came from that audition. Most of the playing I did this last year was a result of the exposure that I got from the audition and gigs with the Red Deer Symphony Orchestra.

I get very nervous about auditioning! I wanted this soo badly!!! I have put in the work and did everything that I knew I could do to practice playing through my nerves. I had some pretty neat experiences that I wanted to share.

I've been praying that I will be able to play well in the audition. I kept telling God that if he would just help me to play like I had been doing in my practice sessions that I would be happy, whether I got the job or not.

Immediately before I went in to the building I said another prayer. Just as I was praying for help to calm my nerves I felt like I should open my eyes. Right in front of me was a key chain I have hanging from my steering wheel that reads ... relax. It is a small thing, but it really made me feel better in that moment.

In an audition setting I can't "practice". It messes with my head. I bring reading material and my IPod. Well today I felt like reading. I made sure that I brought an uplifting book that would make me feel good. The book I chose today is written by Kris Belcher called "Hard Times and Holy Places". I have heard her speak and she is truly inspiring, but that is a different post. I was reading and I came across this verse in the Book of Mormon.

2 Nephi 32:9 "But behold, I say unto you that ye must pray always, and not faint; that ye must not perform anything unto the Lord save in the first place ye shall pray unto the Father in the name of Christ, that he will consecrate thy performance unto thee, that thy performance may be for the welfare of thy soul."

It is amazing the calm I felt come over me. I felt like the verse was literally speaking to me about my current situation. I knew that I had done all I could and had plead to my Heavenly Father to help me, and he would. Not long after that I felt VERY strongly that I should try a different reed that I had made two nights earlier. I was skeptical because I made that reed and hadn't played on it since. The reed felt really good!!!! I decided to warm up on it and ultimately used it in the audition. Man am I glad I did ... that reed was amazing! How grateful I am for inspiration from above. I know I wouldn't have picked it up without that heavenly guidance.

The audition went great! Was it perfect ... no, but I am still so pleased with my performance. The panel totally threw me for a loop when they decided to let the screen down for the second round. The entire audition is usually blind but they decided to change it up in the second round. I really think this was in my favor. I will be the first to tell you that I am not a good auditioner, but I am a great performer!!!! When I went back after I was hired the conductor kept talking about my poise and aura while I perform. He kept coming back to it and I think that was what separated me from the other candidates, that and how I play the oboe solo from the Brahm's violin concerto ;-)

To say the least I am more than thrilled to have been offered a contract with the Red Deer Symphony Orchestra. I feel very proud, grateful, and humble right now. Thanks to everyone who was praying for me ... it helped! Right now in my life this is my dream job and I can't believe that I have it. What an amazing month this will be for me!!! My birthday is on Friday, in 17 days we will be moving into a house that our entire family can operate in. We hired full time help for Evan, she will start next week (more on that later). I have a pretty incredible little family that I can claim as my own, and to top it off I got my dream job!!! I am one lucky girl!

Maybe I will have a little bit more time to blog now that I'm not practicing and making reeds every night ;-)

COME COME COME!!!!

2011-08-26T16:42:00.002-04:00

3rd Annual

Family Fun

Walk n' Roll

Saturday, August 27, 2011

North Glenmore Park

West Side 10AM-2PM

Calgary, Alberta

Proceeds from this event will help provide emotional, financial and community support to children and their families who are living with a Neuromuscular Disorder.

laugh of the day

2011-08-24T03:01:00.002-04:00

I had one of "those" appointments today.

As most ladies do I wanted to be as clean and pretty as possible since the doctor has to have his face "down there".

I go into my bathroom to trim up and in runs Landon. He practically sticks his face in my crotch and starts pointing and yelling .... "Gross, Gross! Mama, Gross!"

While I pulled up my pants I informed him that it looked a lot better than it did 5 minutes prior to his encounter.

Anyway, I can't stop laughing so I thought I would share the humor ..... at my expense of course.

2011-08-19T09:59:00.001-04:00

I thought for sure the bear story would get at least one comment!!!

waterton and A BEAR

2011-08-10T15:48:00.004-04:00

We actually had quite a peaceful sleep in Osoyoos, took our time leaving and then headed out to complete our drive to finally meet up with Daddy. The boys were getting pretty squirrely and I knew it was because we had been away from Daddy for so long.

The drive went .... well.

We drove about 9 hours through the beautiful Okanogan. We stopped and got cherries. We talked. We looked at the beautiful scenery and .... Evan didn't sleep at all! I mean, nothing! Not one long blink!!!! He didn't cry either which was pretty awesome.

Landon was a different story. If he was awake he was SCREAMING!!!!! Crying, yelling insanely loud at his brother. He was as loud as loud can be. He wouldn't eat, and he really didn't sleep very much either.

The closer we got to Waterton the more deer we saw having a party on the road. We almost nailed 3 of them. Every time this happened, Evan thought it was the greatest and funniest thing ever. He kept asking for me to do it again :-) I tried really hard not to appease his desires since I wasn't a fan of the adrenaline that raced through my body after each close encounter.

I bowed out for a couple of hours to drive with my mom to Cardston where there was a reunion for my Dads side of the family. I went so I could visit with people but I felt like I needed to be with my kids at Justin's family reunion. I got lots of pictures (that I don't have) of my Grandma's siblings and visited with lots of other family. It was fun. Mom stayed for the full two days and met up with us after that reunion was over.

Waterton was great!!! I don't think I have ever experienced nicer weather in Waterton. It was beautiful. By far my favorite thing to do in Waterton are the natural waterfalls at Red Rock Canyon. With the weather being so nice it was even more amazing!

The last day in Waterton we went on a short hike. I will tell you now that I am very much an out of sight, out of mind girl. I hear about the bear encounters. I have a bear bell and I am more than a little paranoid about using it. Unfortunately I forgot to bring it on this hike. I just never, I repeat, NEVER want to see a bear unless it is at the zoo or from my car.

The hike was beautiful and we had a great time at Crandell lake. We turned around and at this point I didn't have any of my children. I was up ahead with my mom when I heard a very LOUD rustling in the bushes on the very small cliff to my left. I look up and see a black bear running. Do you know how freaky it is to see a bear that close, running???? I turned around soooo fast and ran the other direction. The problem was that we had to continue hiking in the direction that the bear was running. Can you imagine how annoying I was on the rest of the hike using my special clap and special bear call that a ranger taught me. I can't believe I saw a bear!

On the road ... again, and again, and again.....

2011-08-10T15:46:00.002-04:00

So after two fun filled day with my Grandparents we said goodbye to Nanaimo (and Auntie Alycia, who flew home to move) and began our long drive east. I wish that I had thought to get a picture of Alycia and the boys crammed into the car. There was even more stuff in the middle because we were using a portion of the space in our car top carrier for Alycia's luggage. I'll tell you this ... I felt pretty darn proud of myself for packing, and unpacking, and packing, and unpacking, and packing .................... so many times! I pretty much became a pro!

Mom and I caught an early-ish ferry and drove to Osoyoos, BC. After a LOT of confusion at the hotel over parking (there was a hummer parked in the handicap stall! You can imagine what the note I left on his windshield said.), and the complete inability to find a luggage trolley the hotel upgraded our room. It took a while to get everything in our room and everyone settled so by the time we were done we ran the boys to the restaurant to eat.

Dinner was actually delightful and calmed a frazzled mothers nerves. I knew if I didn't "run" Landon we would pay for it that night. Since our hotel sat right on the lake we decided to explore their private beach. Imagine my surprise when I put my foot in the water and IT WASN"T TOO COLD!!!! I am so used to bracing myself for frigid water up here in the northern tundra, but this water was actually kind of warm. I come to find out that it is actually the warmest lake in all of Canada. (Why haven't we been vacationing here???)

Anyway, it was a beautiful night. My favorite parts were burying Evan and watching Landon's face when Grandma splashed him!!!!

By the end of the night I was starting to feel pretty miserable (female problems ... sorry boys) and I made really good use of the hotel hot tub. It actually was a really nice place to stay and I kind of wish we had more time there.

Nanaimo

2011-08-10T15:08:00.005-04:00

Since we were so far out west we drove our red sienna an extra 2 hours, hopped on a ferry and traveled to Vancouver Island, to visit my grandparents. We had so much fun taking in the beauty that the island has to offer.

We had a great time riding the ferry over with our friends from Calgary. They had the same idea that we had, so we continued our caravan to the west coast. Do you see the picture of me and Karen?? This woman is an angel on earth in more ways than one. The Manerikars met with us the first week that Evan was diagnosed with Spinal Muscular Atrophy. They brought us into their home, allowed us to meet their children and ask them anything we wanted. They gave us hope for the first time. We could look at our lives differently after we met them.

We arrived in Nanaimo quite late, but not late enough for the boys to miss being showered with gifts from their great-Nana. She made them these adorable oreo cookie blankets! They loved them and Evan kept trying to eat his :-)

Grandpa and Nana took us to "Goats on the Roof" in Combs again. We went with them last year when we saw them at Easter. I have to admit that it is probably my favorite place to shop .... EVER!!!

Just outside of Goats on the Roof there were two girls offering pony rides for a donation. Evan really wanted to do it and since the ponies were little I was able to hold him on. While Evan was getting used to the feeling of sitting on a horse "by himself" the horse was sleeping. When I started to move the wheelchair a little the horse spooked a bit. Let me tell you about the terror that I felt as my baby turned into a rag doll and flung backwards off the horse. I caught him and he actually didn't even go that far, but man alive ..... my heart didn't calm down for about 5 minutes afterwards.

Needless to say, Evan was a little freaked out but he was a brave boy (a real cowboy as we say) and he got back on the horse and had a great ride!

Grandpa and Nana also took us to a professional sand castle competition. It was GORGEOUS!! We had a great time!!!

We also were priveleged enough to see Cathedral grove! WOW, all I can say is WOW!!! It is just like the Red Woods in California but on the island. It truly feels majestic and we all were overwhelmed by the beauty of this gem.

We spent our last night picking cherries together from my grandparents cherry tree. We gorged ourselves on fresh BC cherries, reveled in our discovery of a frog in Grandpa's pond, and celebrated my Grandpa's 70th birthday!!!

We were sad to leave the next day but we are so grateful we had so much fun together.

Evan ziplining

2011-08-10T15:03:00.002-04:00

I figured it out!!!!! Listen to the scream ... it is hysterical!!!!

My favorite thing is watching his little legs kick in excited anticipation. I will be so sad when he can't do that anymore. For now, it is one of my favorite things ever.

SMA camp

2011-08-08T16:09:00.002-04:00

Ok, so this uploading video thing is apparently way beyond my grasp. I can never do it! I even tried to learn how to upload something on YouTube and can't figure that out either. No Justin Beiber life for me .... geesh!!

What can I say about SMA family camp??? It was worth the 13 hour drive with 2 toddlers. It was nice that my mom and sister could experience it with us. We had more fun than we can express, in fact Evan thought we should still be at SMA camp for about two weeks later than it actually went on. Here is a quick synopsis of our experience at SMA family camp 2011.

All the kids in wheelchairs pulled around all the kids (and some of us grown up kids) on rolling boards behind their chairs. One time Evan purposely made a tight, fast spin, which sent me flying across the room. This, of course, made him (and all the other kids) laugh hysterically.

We roasted marshmallows, but did not make them "poop" (much to Evan's dismay) It was a propane fire and Evan was quite disappointed he wasn't aloud to burn anything he wanted to his hearts content.

We competed in the annual obstacle course. I am proud to say that after two years of practice I walked away with the first place prize in the mother category!!!!! Yes that is right ... I'm awesome!!!! Alycia took first place in the family category, and Mom did well, but I can't remember what place she brought home. Evan got third out of the junior boys and you should have seen how proud he was while accepting his award. (Mama was proud too)

The playground here is accessible!!!!!!!!!!!!! Need I say more?

The weather could have been better at the beginning of camp. If the weather was nice we ate outside. If it was crappy we ate inside. The weather was PERFECT the last two days of camp.

They held a movie night for everyone. We watched Tangled and ate a ton of popcorn! Landon kept telling Auntie Alycia to "ssshhhh!!!" while he spent the entire movie repeating what the characters were saying. It was rather humorous.

The last two days of camp a company called CRIS came to play. It is made up of volunteers, who travel around giving those who have disabilities the chance to do any kind of outdoor activity. The first day everyone got to go kayaking. I wish I had been thinking because it was pretty remarkable to see some of these older kids, who have SMA out on a boat. CRIS really knows what they are doing!!!!!

Landon fell asleep in the kayak!! (Maybe he did this because he was too busy every night keeping all of us awake)

Watching Landon eat cherries was a fun experience as well. The area that we were staying in looks like any given scene in Twilight (except when they are in Arizona and Florida). I felt like I should be looking around for Edward or Jacob. Anyway ..... back on topic ..... Landon would drip juice all down his front and his teeth would stain red, so he looked like this cute little baby vampire. (maybe it only makes me smile, but that's what counts right?)
We really want to be able to get a standing wheelchair for Evan. There are MANY reasons why (medically, emotionally) I won't get into that right now. One of the kids from BC (they can get partial funding for one ... we can't) has one and while she was sleeping her mom so kindly let Evan try it out. He was in HEAVEN!!! I can't even tell you how much he fell in love. He was upright and moving around like he sees so many others do. It was bliss to watch him experience that! It reminded me the first time he was in a chair and experienced independent mobility.

Next to the obstacle course our favorite event is the marshmallow war. Simple game.
1) Grab marshmallows
2) Attack people

What did my not even two years old Landon do? He spent the entire time picking up marshmallows off of the ground and giving them to the kids in wheelchairs! Make my heart melt. Landon might be a tornado, but he has such a beautiful soul!

The last day we went hiking with CRIS. Afterwards I asked Evan what he thought about hiking in the "trail blazer". He said it was "really good, and so comfortable".

And what was our last activity before we pulled out?? Evan got to go zip lining all by himself!!!! This is what I wanted to load a video of since I only have the video of it and no pictures. He LOVED it and I loved watching him have all of these experiences.
Once again SMA family camp delivered more than we could have asked for. I loved watching my children be kids, I loved watching Evan belong to this tight nit and very small community we are a part of. I loved bouncing ideas off of other parents. I LOVE Susi for organizing it every year. I loved it, I loved it, I loved it!!!!!

On the Road again!

2011-08-08T00:25:00.004-04:00

So far in our travels we had tacked on

8,523.2 miles

13683.06 kilometers

Pretty impressive (or exhausting) if I do say so myself :-)

So we dropped off the Lowry's at the Calgary airport and picked up my Mom and my sister, Alycia. Yes we did these on the same day. The next morning we shoved all of our luggage and camping gear into our van, as tightly as we were able to manage and hit the road. Our destination? Chilliwack, BC where we were so excited to attend SMA family fun camp! We broke up the trip into two days because it really is a long haul. Our little caravan stopped at a dingy hotel, with terrible service in Kamloops, BC. What an experience.

Of course Evan was gracious enough to share his cold with me and I thought my head was going to explode while I was driving through the mountain passes (that was practically the entire 9 hour drive).

Once we got there I was feeling pretty gross, the kids were pooped and we all needed to stretch our legs a little bit. We decided to wear the boys out a little with a swim in the pool. What a surprise when the water was as cold as ice. I didn't make Evan get in, but we did coax Landon to spend a while exercising his muscles, jumping in and swimming to the stairs, over and over and over and over ........ The boys favorite part??? Landon getting a kick out of Grandma's reaction when he splashed her with the ice water, too funny!!

this is pretty much how our little family felt when we got to Kamloops

Once we arrived to the camp we couldn't have had more fun. I will talk about camp tomorrow, but I had to share these photo memories.

Landon spent the entire camp flirting with all of the women. He batted his way onto many a female lap to hitch a ride, and held many hands as well.

As for Evan??? He liked the older women. Do you see him following Holly and Michaela around? Even this week he was sitting in his car seat and longingly says to me.
"Mom, I miss my beautiful lady!
"Who do you miss Evan?"
"My beautiful Lady. You know the one from SMA camp?"
"Oh, do you mean Michaela, with the red hair?"
"Yes, I miss her so much"

Between the two of them I think I might be in a lot of trouble!!

Off to Waterton!

2011-08-07T18:45:00.003-04:00

We took the Lowry's to Justin's favorite place in the entire world .... Waterton, AB. It was beautiful as always, but the weather could have been a little nicer while we were there. My favorite moments were
1) watching Landon running through the cold water park, fully clothed, on a chilly day ... totally unphased!!!
2) high tea with the Lowry's
3) celebrating Evan's birth. I can't believe he is 4 years old!!!! (don't worry I do indeed plan on posting about his big pirate bash that we had for him earlier in the month. ;-)

check out Landon's eye. You might think he walked into a pole (not uncommon) but in actuality, that is a mosquito bite!

Somebody had a birthday, it is our Evan dear. May father in heaven bless him, throughout the coming year!!!

More miles

2011-08-05T16:46:00.004-04:00

One of the things the Lowry's really wanted to see was Banff. It is a gorgeous little mountain town about an hour and a half away from the city. We drove there, walked around, and ate in the lodge. It was a lovely day for us.

149.2 miles
240.06 kilometers

total summer mileage so far
8,215.2 miles
13,221.06 kilometers

horses and a prince

2011-08-05T00:30:00.002-04:00

I love the Royal couple!!! Remember that I hosted a reception for them at my house while we watched their wedding unfold. I know it is lame, but it was a ton of fun as well. Imagine how I felt when I found out that they were coming to Calgary!!!! I was beside myself excited. I made plans to be at the parade nice and early to get good seats, I charged my camera, I prepared the kids to see a real prince and princess ... and then the moment arrived ... and went.

I don't think I have ever seen a faster drive by than the one the royals made as they raced down the parade route. They were inside the dark car, with the tinted window half rolled up and drove by faster than I was even able to click a picture.

The second they zipped past the crowd started laughing because it was comical how anti-climatic the whole event was. I can't lie, I was disappointed with the experience but you can bet that I will tell my children and grand children that I did indeed see Prince William in the flesh. I can't say the same about his lovely wife ... I can only assume she was hiding out in the other side of the vehicle.

This is my lovely picture I got ... isn't it a beauty?? Actually I lightened it and I can see the outline of Kate's cowboy hat so now I know she was indeed sitting next to William. Oh well!!!!!

I can vouch that he is really cute in person. I promise I saw him .... kind've ;-)

On our way to the Rodeo, Landon fell asleep.

Like every year we break up the Stampede into a couple of days. It is easier on the kids and therefore easier on us. Stampede has got to be my favorite thing about Calgary!!! One of my favorite things about Stampede are the Chuck wagon races and the Grand Stand show. This years show was the best I have seen yet!!!! This sculpture is floating above the crown and is made of wire and acts as a giant marionette puppet! It is "playing" with a bubble containing an acrobat inside and a flying couch with singing children. (as I'm writing this it sounds a bit odd, but it was actually pretty neat to watch unfold).
Our adopted parents from Florida were in town for all of this and in addition to the Stampede we took them to Spruce Meadows for the world finals in horse jumping. It was a beautiful afternoon for all of us and we even got to meet up with some of my in-laws for a little while.

Words will never be able to express how much I love these two people!!!

I just like this picture of us so I decided to share it.
:-)

Are you ready for this???

2011-08-04T11:41:00.004-04:00

Do you know that feeling after you get home from a REALLY long vacation?? The feeling that you have no idea what is happening next in your life. The feeling that there is no way you are ever going to be able to unpack the bags and get it all put back into the dresser washed and folded? The feeling that you need to somehow feed your family, but you have been gone for weeks and what food is left in the fridge is molding?

Those are the feelings that I am dealing with right now.

I know it isn't that much fun to do multiple updates in a day, but be prepared my friends ... that is what you are going to get for the next little while.

So one of my very favorite things about life is SUMMER!!! You can probably tell that I thoroughly enjoy my summers ... always have, always will. This is how our July began. We had about a week of down time between our Florida trip and friends coming to visit. The weather was gorgeous and we took advantage of that!!!!

Best thing about Canada????
It stays light until forever in the summer time. I took this picture of Landon at 8:45PM and the sun wasn't even close to setting!!!

Justin took me to see Wicked with our friends. I have wanted to see it for so long and it was well worth the wait. I couldn't have had more fun and have been singing Wicked songs ever since!!

We've had picnics with our friends.

Isn't this picture cute??? We love this family of boys!!!! They are amazing kids and my kids love hanging out with them. It helps that I love their parents as well ;-)

2011-07-30T00:24:00.002-04:00

Alright, so I have access to a computer and the Internet again! It is slow so I'm not able to upload my pictures and begin my massive updates, but I can at least talk about a couple of things that are on my mind.

We went on a hike today and were talking about family ... you do that on a family reunion. There are so many things that I could say, but I wanted to share some information about my Dad.

I have talked about my Dad before and how much I adore him. He is my example of spiritual greatness. He has always had a genius mind. Since he also happens to be an extremely humble so I wanted to toot his horn a little bit.

He has been instrumental in the recent advancement of his company. There is a technology (that is beyond my comprehension) that people have been trying to create since the 1960's. My Dad figured it out!! He is the only one in the world that was able to create this technology. My Dad is the leading thermoelectric mind in the United States and maybe even the world. I am so grateful that God chose him to be my Dad. I adore him and think the rest of the world should too.

where will you find us?

2011-07-07T02:19:00.003-04:00

What else have we been doing since we got home? Spending time outdoors!!! We have been working in our garden, which currently resides at my friends house. When I started the garden planning I didn't know when we would be moving so my dear dear friend, Kristen, offered one of her planters. It has been a great way to try out square foot gardening and I think I might be in love!! This garden is gorgeous and, so far, pretty darn successful! My potatoes and turnips have really taken off, so I hope I have success with my carrots. They are having a hard time seeing the sun :-)

And of course we celebrated

CANADA DAY!!!!!

This was an ................. interesting day!

My cousin and her family were staying with us so we spent the entire with them, which was very fun! We started out by touring a Hudderite Colony. That was very informative and enlightening, and we had a GREAT time!!! Following the colony we met some very cute llamas. We hustled our buns home to get ready for the football game. We took the C-train only to find that half of it was shut down for maintenance and you had to take a bus to downtown to catch another train. This adds a good 30 minutes onto the trip. The game was great ... other than the Stampeders lost.

(side note about the game?? One of the times I was sitting with Landon the mascot came up to us. I felt like we were meeting the Disney characters all over again! The irony is that earlier in the day he was charging the giant llamas with big teeth, but he is afraid of a fluffy dog and Mickey Mouse?? What is it with this little boy and mascots?)

After the game it was utter MAYHEM trying to get home. Getting a wheelchair through a massive crowd is painful! Once we were on the train there was a very nice, very drunk man who entertained our children for the VERY long train ride. After we finally got to the location where we caught the bus we rolled as fast as we could to get the bus.

Once on the bus we squished ourselves in surprisingly well. At that point we got stuck in traffic ... bad traffic! There were people hitting the side of the bus because they wanted to get on, but our bus driver refused because there was no room. Fortunately for us our boys could kind've see the fireworks as we sat still for45 minutes on a crammed bus.

As soon as the traffic started to move our bus driver got a little ambitious. Don't get me wrong, it was great that he was trying to get us back as quickly as he could, but at one point Evan's wheelchair goes flying into the front. Thank heavens there was nobody standing in front of it, and thank heavens Justin was holding Evan at the time.

We finally got to the other train. We get off the bus and there is a girl, in plain view, hunched over peeing buckets on a tree!! She didn't even try to hide!!!! I guess she was on our bus and really had to go while we were stopped in traffic. The amount of fluid coming out of her was pretty impressive, though I'm not sure how she managed to keep it off of her pants.

Finally we manage to squeeze onto the next train where we are surrounded by WASTED teenagers!!! They were obnoxious, rude, and loud!!!! I was happy to finally get home and get my very tired babies into bed at 12AM!!! Poor guys!

fun fun fun

2011-07-06T13:28:00.000-04:00

Fun fun fun, that's our life every summer and I love it!!!

Here are a couple of things we have been doing since we got home. I am not going to overload you with pictures, so it will be a couple of posts.

Last days of school. Evan's school is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!!!! I love his teachers and therapists. The program is (as my brother would say) legit!!! I got some great pics of Evan and his teachers at the water park. Landon and I met up with the class so we could have some outdoor fun too.

Ms. Kyla

all this little guy did was run run run!!!

Ms. Jenna

Evan insisted on "suntanning" between water runs :-)

Auntie Kelley lives close by to the park so she came along for the fun ... and brought her pups!

We also had the privilege of participating in a pie fight!! No joke, it was sooo much fun! Justin has a cousin who has always wanted to have a pie fight so his wife gave him a surprise pie fight for his birthday. He was the only one who didn't know about it. We made sure to prepare Evan's chair for the big event.

Evan, Mama, and Daddy LOVED it. Landon was not so much a fan, but think about it. Someone counted to three and then everyone started running around screaming, and shoving pies in each others faces. He was nervous, but doing fine, until Justin came and got me. As soon as Landon saw that, he melted down .... poor guy! (I was holding him at the time). I don't think we traumatized Landon too badly, and it was awesome!!

The things I learned

2011-07-06T00:43:00.000-04:00

There were so many things that I took away from the conference, but here are some of them.

1) I am competent. I did learn something from every class that I went to, but mostly I didn't feel overwhelmed. I felt like I have a good handle on what Spinal Muscular Atrophy is, how it relates to us presently, and how it will probably look for our family in the future. It was good to feel like I am doing alright.

2) I really think that there will be a cure. Whether our own family benefits from it or not I really believe that they will figure out a cure. I am very realistic about the obstacles in the way, the years it will take, the loop holes the research has to jump through .... but it will happen, and THAT is exciting! I mean, already there is a clinical trial in Utah, Colorado, and Wyoming that will be doing newborn screening, that is huge!

If you want to read more about where the research stands right now you can click here. If you have any questions at all about it I would be more than happy to answer them.

3) From the open discussion of parents who have children with type 2 and 3 I wrote down 24 great ideas to apply to my life to aid Evan in his everyday experience. These are little things that make a BIG difference. (For example: bring a beach towel with you to use on a bathroom floor when there is nowhere to lay them and they have outgrown your lap)

4) I learned some GREAT hands on physical therapy. I learned the best stretches Evan can be doing and watched them being done. I learned some things to specifically watch for as well.

5) It's a wonderful Life was a question answer session with adult, or older teenagers who have SMA. It was truly wonderful .... and terrifying. As a mother I teach my children to dream. I teach them that if they work hard they can achieve anything. I want this for both of my children, but the thought of Evan living on his own, being in charge of his own caretakers, moving to a different city to attend University brings a bit of anxiety to me. I know that he is only 3 (almost 4), I know I want this for him, but it still scares me a little.

There are lots of little things that I won't write down here, but were really great to learn. It made me think about a lot of things. One of my favorite quotes was when a girl was talking about siblings. She was talking about how great and supportive they are. Then she added "don't get me wrong. When I was little we still fought and I still tried to run them over." Made me laugh, and feel a little better about when Evan purposely runs over Landon.

6) I finally got an answer about how many calories Evan needs to have in a day!!!! I also learned a trick about bed time snack to trick the body into not starving.

7) I learned that there is a vest I want to get for Evan that will work in conjunction with his cough assist machine. It can be worn during play time or a movie. It is amazing ... but expensive. I'm pretty sure it isn't covered either, but it is something that I know about now and can add to the list!

8) We learned that we are lucky. We thought that Evan slept really well through the night because of his age. We know that sometime in the near future he is going to need us to help turn him. We know we will be needing specific night time equipment to help him sleep longer stretches through the night. We know that we will not be typical parents who get to sleep through the night. I'm ok with that because it helps my child. What I didn't know is that it seems that Evan being able to roll during the night on his own at 4 (almost) is pretty abnormal. It seems most start needing help around 2 and 3 years old. In any case it made me feel lucky and proud of Evan.

9) The most important thing that I learned is potentially the best thing that I could do for my child. I kept hearing it over and over again. "

One of the best things you can do for your child is to get a care taker in the home as soon as you are able."

This was HUGE for me because an opportunity presented itself about a year ago for us to hire a caretaker from Columbia. I was fairly hesitant, but we weighed the pros and cons and couldn't ignore the very long list of pros. We started with the process and I was excited because I really do need the help. But I couldn't shake the slight bit of doubt in the back of my head. I knew that people would wonder why I need it. I have actually started to tell people that we are getting help soon and more often than not they are very confused why I would need the help. I didn't want people thinking that I don't want to be an involved mother.

The message I got over and over was that the sooner you hire someone in the home the better. Evan needs to be comfortable with other people helping him. He needs to feel comfortable with other people touching him. When he is an adult, attending school, going to work, etc. I won't be able to be with him 24/7 and the adjustment is easier when the kids are young. It will allow me to be more of a mother first and caretaker second. It will save my back!!

Basically hearing this message over and over gave me permission to be 100% ok with our decision to hire someone sooner than later. It was such a great weight off of my back and now I am just excited!!!

Wow, I just wrote this whole post with only one spelling error. Even then it was only that I was typing too fast and got the letters switched.

Convention: Day 3

2011-07-05T11:46:00.000-04:00

What do you think of my new blog layout????

Thank you Alycia!!!

You are amazing!!!!

Day three of the convention was just as wonderful as all of the other days. Evan had been looking forward to the appearance of the magical knight ever since we got the schedule. It was love at first sight!

I finally got to meet MJ Queen and Brenda!!!! When Evan was first diagnosed I wrote a post and MJ made a comment. She told me a little about herself (she has SMA) and asked if she could send him a blanket. It was a bright spot in the beginning, which felt like a nightmare. I am friends with MJ and her caretaker, Brenda, on facebook and have always felt close to her because of the emotional and physical comfort she sent our family in the form of a blanket. I am just bummed that the boys were napping and didn't get to meet this wonderful person.
Through the conference we were able to get half price tickets to a pirate dinner theater. I have an awesome group shot of all of us, but I still have to scan it.

Joseph and Sahara were chosen to go up and be a part of the show.

After the show I went and helped Justin get the boys in bed, and then I hopped in the Eichelberger's car and went to there house with them and Eric. It was so great to see Whiskey again. Whiskey is our Buddy's biological brother. (Buddy is our cat) Whiskey and Buddy have so much in common, so it was fun to just watch him and cuddle him again.

I was so lucky that Gladys came over with Tison so I could see them. We had a lovely talk and I am so grateful that she is my friend.

Once Gladys left the four of us friends just sat on the bed until midnight, talking like old times. It was a lovely relaxing night.

On the way home Semra and I were stalked by an armadillo. Ok, so we were stalking him trying to get a picture of him. Too bad the best picture I got was of his butt. It is really hard aiming a camera in the dark.

Convention: Day 4

We had some special visitors during breakfast!!!

While in line these two realized they are chair twins. They were pretty cute together.

Irony of all irony ... Landon LOVED meeting Buz Lightyear! He kept waving, and saying hi. In fact he hasn't stopped talking about Buz since we got home. Buz and Woody were very excited when they saw their pictures on Evan's backpack.

p.s. Buz is a flirt .... I wonder if Jesse knows???

We went to our final classes (AMAZING) and went to pick up our children ... only to find that Evan was replaced by a creepy skeleton!! He is a smart skeleton though, he is wearing a hat sticker on his head.

and a boot sticker on his foot.
And that was it. The conference ended and we flew home. It has been nice to be home after being gone nearly a month. Don't you fret though ... there has been very little resting, you can always tell by the state of my house how much we have been playing.

More to come!!!

Convention: Day 2

2011-06-30T10:40:00.005-04:00

This conference was unbelievable! I will write a completely separate post about some of the things I learned. For now I am just going to add pictures and tell you some stories about things other than the classes.

I woke up early this day and found the Quantum wheelchair vendor. He was more than helpful and rigged Evan's wheelchair to work for this first day, allowing him time to go home and get the parts needed to actually fix the wheelchair. He did all of this free of charge! I am going to try and contact him and tell him that he should charge Continental for his time and parts since we do have an open claim with them. Lets hope I can get a hold of him. He was just an angel on earth.

this is where we ate breakfast every morning.

The conference had a children's area where we could leave the kids. This was an experience we have never had. We cannot usually leave Evan in places like this. We have never had the opportunity to drop him off and go do something. What was amazing about this Children's area is that all of the volunteers are siblings of kids who have SMA, or relatives of kids who have SMA, or physical therapists volunteering their time. Everyone working has experience working with children who have SMA, so we felt comfortable leaving Evan. Landon was in the "baby" room and was happy as a clam to have room to run and play.

Evan had a GREAT time!!!!

This was the day that the conference had tickets to Epcot. We met the Eichelbergers and Eric there and just had a blast!!! They have changed some things since we were there last and we loved it so much more!!! There was supposed to be a dessert in the evening for the convention, but when the torrential down pour started we decided it wasn't worth the effort (with the wheelchair) to find out where the dessert had been relocated. So we ran for cover in Mexico, ate some dinner under a shelter and ended up with a front row seat for the fireworks show. Then we had to walk home in the rain. Did you know that getting caught in the rain with an electric wheelchair is no fun?? By the time the park closed Evan had been driving in the rain for many hours. He made the decision to sit in the warmer, and totally covered stroller with Landon (not to mention it was about 4 hours past their normal bedtime), so I drove the wheelchair back to the hotel.

Never fear ... we still had a GREAT time!!!!

Did you know that Disney brought back Captain EO????

ROCK ON!!!!!!! It was AWESOME!!!!

long long long day for the boys!

Convention: Day 1

2011-06-29T10:00:00.007-04:00

After our fun at Cocoa we went to Orlando to take part in the International Convention for Families of SMA (FSMA). The Da Costa's, Eric, and the Eichelberger women came with us to a really awesome restaurant called T-Rex. This restaurant has robotic dinosaurs throughout the entire place. Every 20 minutes there is a meteor shower that affects each room differently. There is a deep sea room, a fire room, an ice-age room, and we sat in the forest. Evan was in love, Landon and Christian were terrified at the beginning and apprehensive by the end.

this child was in awe the entire time!

Christian during a meteor shower ... tooo funny!!!

Landon just held on as tight as he could to Justin's neck.

Our waiter introduced us to this dino, which promptly became Evan's best friend.

I love Disney!

by the end of the week our little guys became friends.

this scene from Sleeping Beauty is entirely made out of lego!

Families of SMA

The SMA community is a relatively small one. 1 in every 6,000 babies are born with SMA. When we heard that the international convention was in Florida we jumped at the opportunity to go. We got into our room and headed down to the main reception. It was already so fun just being in a space where there are so many families in our situation. There were so many people in wheelchairs. We felt right at home. When we ran into our fellow Canadian friends we were having such a great time, and then ...............

Evan's chair stopped working.

I started to cry. I started to freak out just a little. Here we are at a convention for Evan and his chair is broken!

Thank heavens Susi and Bruce was there. I really do think that God was really aware of my placement when the chair broke again. I would have turned pretty hysterical, pretty quickly. What happened instead was that Susi and Bruce talked me through it, told me that the vendors would be there in the morning and they would be more than happy to fix it. So we put Evan's chair into manual mode and I took over the job of pushing his 300lb. chair around the opening circus activities.

We did have a good time, and thankfully the magic of the evening overpowered my anger towards continental.

The best part of the evening was when the boys got to meet the characters. Evan was over the moon excited and Landon was not really a fan. Each character signed an autograph book for our boys and we took a picture with each one. It was a magical night!

And the best of all ........

Mickey Mouse!!!!

check out Evan's face! He was so excited that Mickey wanted to hold his hand. Evan Landon managed to give Micky an apprehensive, and very reluctant, high five.

Cocoa Beach

2011-06-28T14:40:00.005-04:00

We spent 3 days at the beach with our friends. It was AMAZING, and we couldn't have asked for better weather or company. Between the friends, the weather, the food, and the games it was a perfect vacation.

A lesson we learned: Landon burns! The first day out we lathered him with SPF 70+ on the hour and he got FRIED!!!! From then on he wore the sunscreen underneath a shirt that had a protection of SPF 50. Of course Evan and I just tanned.

(have I ever mentioned that this man is an incredible father??)

how many men does it take to set up a tent?

(I often have such a hard time describing Landon in words. With this picture I don't have to use any words because it is the PERFECT explanation)

(check out these eyes!!!!)

where there is a fish tank ... you will find children

yummy gator tail with Semra

Irene and John posing in the back ground make me laugh!

Evan and Sahara

this was the COOLEST eel ever!!!

Games, Games, and more Games

every night. I never laugh as much as I do when I am around these people.

Natasha ... I still can't believe I actually got her in a photo!

this is what Landon did the whole 3 days. He just ran, and ran, and ran, and ran. He was as happy as a clam and slept like a baby all three days.

Evan helped build some of the coolest sand castles. He even had strangers ask to take pictures of them.

do you want to know what I think heaven looks like???

this picture is pretty close.

yes that sleeping child is Landon. I bet you never thought that would happen! He just climbed up on our laps and fell asleep. He wore himself out!!!

Many more miles

2011-06-28T01:45:00.010-04:00

Previous mileage: 3,046 miles (4,902 kilometers)

add my trips to .....

San Diego: 2,554 miles (4,112 kilometers)

Calgary-Orlando, Gainesville, and Cocoa Beach: 5,020 miles (8,079 kilometers)

Grand Total thus far:

8,066 miles

12, 981 kilometers

----------------------------------------------------

So what does going to bed at 1:00AM, waking up at 4:00AM, and taking anti-anxiety medication on a flight that your spouse is on (aka: he can watch the kids) look like?

(don't know why this is blue ... oh well) When we arrived in Houston I was holding Evan in the gateway, waiting for his wheelchair to arrive. Well it was about then that I heard a crashing. I then got to watch the ramp techs try to haul Evan's 300lb chair up the metal stairs, let it literally crash and fall on every stair up. Sure enough Evans chair arrived and it was destroyed. The cover to the battery wasn't there, and the battery was hanging out. The cover wouldn't fit back on properly. We managed to get the cover on well enough with string so we didn't completely lose it on the next flight. What made me the most angry was that the Houston people kept saying that they hadn't done anything wrong because the elevator was just too inconvenient for them.

By the time we arrived in Orlando the chair didn't work at all. What had happened was that they kept dropping it they managed to completely ripped off the breaker. I will skip the tears and hysteria that took place and say that Continental ended up having a mobility company come in the middle of the night, bypass the breaker (not a permanent fix), and then deliver the wheelchair up to Gainesville. We were about 3 hours late to Gainesville and VERY tired!!!

(this is us eating our dinner, while we wait for our luggage to come out and the wheelchair to arrive)

After another short sleep we took a trip down the Itchetucknee river. This has got to be one of my all time favorite things to do. I LOVE it!!!! I am so glad that some of our besties like to come with us.
I finally got to meet their new little man, who is pretty much as charming as he looks.
look how gorgeous this river is!

We didn't have very much time in Gainesville so we had to squeeze in what very little time we had to see as many people as we could. Unfortunately we just didn't have time to do it all. So if we didn't see you ... I promise we will see you next year.

One of the people that I did see was my soul sister, teacher, and friend. Dr. O. is amazing! While I was there she also helped me to purchase my very own English Horn. (more on that later)

I had to include this picture, just because I love it.

Evan woke up really sick on Sunday and it was at the point that it could go either way. We went to church and met up with Evan's tummy mommy. I was worried a little bit about how he would react because he really wasn't feeling well. He had a bit of a hard time, but we were able to distract him enough that I think everyone had a good time. We feel so grateful that we are able to see Evan's tummy mommy when we come to Florida. We love her more than anything. She is one of THE most important people in our life and we hope that she knows how much we love her.

After church we went to the kings house to celebrate our men for the amazing fathers that they are. Natasha is so creative and even set up a full on ice cream bar. I don't have any pictures of this, but will hopefully get some from Natasha (wink wink) :-)

By the end of this day Evan was not doing well at all and I wasn't sure whether we would be in the E.R. by the morning.

We hopped in the cars and our caravan of friends drove to Cocoa Beach.

Happily MIA

2011-06-23T22:09:00.002-04:00

Sorry I've been MIA lately. I guess when I'm home I am spending that time doing my laundry, taking care of sick kids, and re-packing. Another part is that I never got to revamp my blog and I so badly want to.

The brief update in our life?

I've been with my sweetie 24/7 since last Friday.
My family is significantly darker than we were a week ago.
I'm warm and loving it.
And finally .............

We met a very famous mouse tonight!

Miss you ... Talk to you soon!

more interesting

2011-06-12T02:59:00.002-04:00

I am in desperate need to make my blog "more interesting, appealing, beautiful". Choose whichever word suits you most but I am in desperate need for a big change. Unfortunately for me, I really don't do the computer thing very well. Don't get me wrong ... I want to be good at it, I'm just not. Thankfully my gorgeous sister is VERY good at this whole blogging thing. She has a gazillion followers and I just think she has it down. She has promised to help me organize all of this. Hopefully by next week I will have a shiny new blog to show off to the world :-)

what I've been waiting for

2011-06-07T00:42:00.004-04:00

So it is no secret that I don't like the winter. I never preferred the winter when I lived in paradise, and I am no fan now that I am an Eskimo. The one thought that got me through this winter is knowing what I got to do in June. Well June is here and I am a very happy girl.

I've already gotten to go camping with my Daddy (although that was an interesting and cold experience with 2 hours of sleep between 6-8AM). I got to see my sister graduate from Seminary with 4 years of perfect attendance. I have gotten to spend time with my family. I have gotten to spend some time in my beautiful city. And I got feathers in my hair!!!

Now all I have to do is get a hold of some of my girl friends (Mandy call me back ;-) and make a date with them.

All I can say is we have been having fun!!!!

now that they are a little older it is so fun to see Evan and Sydney play so well together. They have little conversations and are learning to share with each other.

Dad took Landon up in the tree house. At first he was a little nervous, but ended up thinking it was pretty cool.

Daddy daughter camp out (that my sons came on)

me and my Daddy
(I look pretty good for having no sleep the night before)

Evan refused to be in the picture, he is hiding behind Dad

Daddy and some of his girls

sisters

Evan is such a flirt!!!

Does a child get any cuter?

2011-05-27T17:57:00.003-04:00

I have already started my summer travels and for fun I've decided to "blog log" the miles I put on this summer. So far ......

Calgary - Mesa: 2452 miles (3948 kl)

Calgary - Eureka: 326 miles (524 kl)

Calgary - Glenwood: 268 miles (432 kl)

making my travels a grand total of:

3,046 miles

4,902 kilometers

While I have absolutely no extra time I am doing a project right now and I randomly came across these pictures. Some of them are from my own folders and some are from my Dad's, but everyone of them made me smile.

This is my mom and my sister, a while ago. Ok, it is a really long time ago. Is it bad that I remember soooo many details of my Grandparents old home, I vividly remember the "frock" my mother is wearing, but I don't ever recall my mom's hair being that long/style? I mean really, I knew that she had this hair cut from pictures, but I just don't remember it. Kind of makes me laugh :-)

Our Easter trip out to Nanaimo last year .... one of the best times I've ever had.

(p.s. remember this was only a year ago and check out how small Landon is. I mean, he is drinking a bottle!!!!!)

who is this baby driving a high speed motor vehicle??? Can you believe that Evan was this tiny when he started driving? This is 2 weeks after he got his chair for the first time. Looking back I can see why people would stop and stare as we went by. Evan literally looks like a baby driving a wheel chair!!!!! He started driving just after his second birthday.

My whole family came to see me last summer and I treasure those memories more than any of them will ever know.

Should be self explanatory why I like this picture. All of the girls were taking this picture with my sweet Daddy. Justin obviously felt left out and needed one of his own.

this picture just makes me giggle.

I have a great family

I love this picture because I love my Dad. When I see this picture I see the relationship that we have. I see in his face how much he loves me and what I mean to him. The fact that this is a candid makes it even better. I don't even know if this makes sense, but that is what I see when I look at this picture.

pure terror (because of a butterfly!!!!)

2011-05-21T23:31:00.003-04:00

so this is what we have been doing for the last two days .....

more details later ;-)

Landon

2011-05-21T01:15:00.002-04:00

My sweet Landon. What can I say about my little boy?? He said his first sentence a couple of weeks ago. I was getting something from the pantry, he rounds the corner and says "HI MUM!"

Since then his vocabulary has really taken off. He mimics all over the place. Landon is so rambunctious. In fact I can't tell you how many times I am told that he is the most active kid that people have ever seen.

For as tough as this kid is (he scraped up his toes and hardly complained) his skin is so ultra sensitive. He currently has mosquito bites on his face and he looks like a teenager with an acne problem.

For as active as Landon is he is equally loving! He is always willing to smother us with hugs and kisses.

Some of his favorite things are turning on and off the lights, opening and closing doors, praying, and hugging his brother.

The BIGGEST news for Landon is a MAJOR discovery that I made. Ok so I know that most of the discovery was a result of divine intervention.

Landon is Red Dye sensitive.

Ultimately what it means is that he can't eat or drink anything that has red dye in it. Landon was crazy for about a month and a half. Crazy doesn't even come close to describing how he was acting. The closest would be a possession. At the toss of a hat he would go from happy go lucky Landon to a head spinning version of my child. I thought it must just be his age and that the terrible two's were going to be one wild ride.

Easter was worse than the whole month combined, and then it clicked ..........

I remembered a conversation some musicians in the Red Deer orchestra were having about their children, who are red dye sensitive. I put two and two together and went straight home to find out what the other symptoms are.

Landon had everyone of them.

-Blotchy skin

-funky rashes

-random, unexplained throw up

-poor eating

-poor sleeping

-EXTREME emotional, bi-polar attitude.

I took him off red dye only and every single thing improved or cleared up. We haven't even had one episode, normal tantrums, but no exorcist episodes. A week after I took him off Evan gave him a couple of M&M's and he totally broke out in a rash.

Girls Weekend

2011-05-21T00:47:00.004-04:00

Girls just want to have FUN!!!!!

My friend Val has a house in Arizona and invited a bunch of girls on a girls weekend. It was lovely and much needed! When Evan's teachers asked him what I was doing in Arizona he said ... "she's swimming." Well that is pretty darn close to what I did. I didn't swim but I did float and bask.

I finally have a little color and I remember what it is like to be warm.

(oh, and I got a massage!!!!!!!!)

check out the sex appeal!

our plane ended up being grounded. We left about 8 hours later than we were supposed to and got back to Calgary at 4:30AM. We figured out ways to entertain ourselves ;-)

Goodbye Arizona!!!!!!

One at a time

2011-05-10T10:24:00.000-04:00

Now that I have a small bit of sanity in my life I am going to quickly let everyone know what has been going on in our little piece of Heaven.

Let me start by saying that yesterday was a great day!!! Actually it has been a great week! I can easily give credit to the weather. It is starting to get warmer (FINALLY), the grass is starting to turn green, the bushes and the trees are starting to come to life again, and yesterday the last bit of ice melted from our lake.

I went to check out our house yesterday (the one we are building) and I stood there looking out the windows at the beautiful lake. I LOVE water!!! Water always brings a sense of peace in my life and I felt like the luckiest girl in the world as I pictured the rest of my life watching the water from my windows. The way the light glitters on the ripples as they move along the surface is close to perfection for me, and I get to see it everyday once we are in the new house.

-------------------------------

So I don't get too overwhelming with posts I will start today with an Evan update.

(mad face at the pool)

I feel like Evan is growing up so fast! I love that we have full length conversations and I honestly think he might be one of the funniest people I know. He is so positive and so loving to everyone!

Evan was really sick last week ... like really sick, but we got him better and he has been going to school this week. Now we just wait and see how long this cough lingers, or if it turns into another round of illness. I feel really proud of myself though because I have learned a lot through Evan. Kids with SMA get sick often, and easier because their immune system is so week. I am to the point now that I know what to do most of the time. When I am up with Evan at 4 in the morning I know what he needs. I am so grateful that I have been taught that knowledge from his doctors and other parents in my same situation. I am equally grateful for Emergency Rooms for when my knowledge/equipment isn't sufficient.

Evan thinks that I am beautiful. He tells me all the time (which I love!!!) while stroking my face. The other day we had a conversation that went like this:

Evan: Mom, I love you sooooo much. I am going to marry you.

Me: Oh Evan that is so sweet, but I am already married to Daddy, and I like being married to Daddy. when you get older you are going to find a beautiful girl, you will fall in love, and then you can marry her.

Evan: (thinks about this scenario) You are beautiful ... I will just marry you.

Me: but then what happens to Daddy??

Evan: well I will marry you and Daddy can marry Landon!

I couldn't be more in love with this kid!!!

A lot of hard work

2011-05-04T01:32:00.003-04:00

I have put in A LOT of HARD work the last month. It is finally all coming together tomorrow. Come and support me.

Knox Presbyterian Church, Calgary

7:30 pm

"Stringing along the Seasons"

(more regular blogging starting tomorrow, I mean really my kids have been so cute lately)

please come please

2011-04-25T21:07:00.002-04:00

I am begging you to please come and be my audience!!!!

I have another Quintet performance next week on May 4, 2011.

It is an INCREDIBLE oboe program and I am sooo excited to perform some of this music. I even play the English horn on this concert. I am so lucky to be able to have this many MAJOR solos in one program.

Justin is out of town and it makes me sad that he won't hear it.

I need an audience. Please please please come!!!!

Knox Presbyterian Church

7:30 pm

I have tickets ... just call me ... please.

easter weekend

2011-04-25T01:30:00.007-04:00

Happy Easter Everyone!

I will try and keep the long story short. Oh who am I kidding!!! I think this post is interesting, but if you are not wanting to read a novel make sure you read the stories in the middle. I think they are worthwhile ;-) We drove up north to the West Edmonton Mall to play with our boys. We love Love LOVE the recreation center in Red Deer and always make a point to stop there when we are going through the area.

Let me tell you, this place is amazing and is fun for all ages, is fun and functional for both Landon AND Evan, and is warm for Mama. We played and played and played. There was one moment where my heart stopped. Evan wanted to go down a waterfall by himself. It was small and though I was hesitant I am trying to not be the one to constantly dampen his fun. Naturally I was at the bottom waiting for him. Well he goes down and there is a current at the bottom of it and he gets sucked under the water. I quickly grab for the yellow neck float and pull him up. Justin and I both had a small heart attack and what does Evan says when he comes up???? "Let's do that again!!!" Evan wasn't very pleased when I told him that we would never be doing that again. I did try and reassure him how good it was that he held his breath.

(Landon is always trying to undress himself! He would walk around naked if I let him.)

From the rec center we continued the drive to Fantasy Land. The boys had a lot of fun, but we were fairly limited as to what we were able to do with them. I don't think they noticed and it ended up being a really fun, wonderful family day for the four of us.

(Evan looks soooo much like his Tummy mommy here, it is crazy! Seriously, AC, if you are reading this compare it with some of your pictures)

(we did this ride a couple of times, and if our boys had the choice they would have stayed here all day long ;-)

(check out Evan's suave look as he passes the camera)

(that blur is Justin. Evan kept saying "Daddy you are so brave!!!")

My Grandma lives in Edmonton and so we stayed with her. We were all pretty lame and went to bed really early. We knew that we had another big day ahead of us so we wanted to recharge.

I wish that I had pictures from the next day, but alas ... it was too hard to manage the camera AND make sure my children didn't die. We went to a full on waterpark, which has created some very lasting memories for our family. Before I dig right in to story time let me say (feel free to skip over this rant if you'd like) ...

if you have a disability and you are attending the water park at West Edmonton mall prepare to be VERY frustrated about the changing area. There are no change rooms big enough to fit a wheelchair, the aisles by the lockers are barely big enough to fit a wheelchair, and there are no change tables or private areas for people who cannot weight bare.

Ok now that I am done with that: STORIES!!!

1) We may have traumatized Landon. They have a children's section of the water park, not kiddie area, but still for children. Adults are not allowed to ride with them (stupid rule) but could catch at the bottom. The slide doesn't look that bad so I run down to catch both of the boys at the bottom. Landon goes first. Landon is so freaked out that he stops himself in the middle of the slide and spends the next couple of minutes screaming! Justin and the life gaurd are at the top yelling at him to let go. I am at the bottom convinced that my baby is drowning. Finally he slips and comes down the rest of the way. If only there were words to describe the terror/relief to see me on his face. Next came Evan ... crying as well. THAT was a BUST!!!

2)I was sitting in the hot tub with Evan towards the end and he tells me to move because he can't see. I asked him what he was looking at and he points to a girl sitting in the hot tub across from us and says "Her". I asked him why he was looking at her, to which he replied "Because she is sooooo beautiful!" He then proceeded to give me updates every time she smiled. When it was time to go I asked him if he wanted to tell her that she was beautiful. He said, "Yes, I will swim to her." And he did. He swam over, introduced himself and told her how beautiful she was. :-) Such a charmer!

3)Our locker jammed (of course) and Justin went to get some help. While I am holding Evan in the shower I watch Landon slip and smash the back of his head on the tile floor. (now let me remind you that this kid is TOUGH) well he just fell into my arms screaming (understandable). The next thing I know he is turning purple, his eyes roll back and he passes out!!!! It was only for a second, and I don't know if it was from the fall or from forgetting to breathe, but it was SCARY!! Especially because I was holding a floppy Evan and now a floppy Landon. It took everything in me to carry them both across the slippery tile floor to a bench where I could easily hold both. All day we watched him for signs of a concussion and I think he is fine .... but man oh man! Can we say adventure???

We head back and pick up Grandma, make the drive home and go to sleep ... eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Easter Bunny.

Oh the magic of childhood!!! The Easter Bunny left a trail of candy from the boys rooms to their baskets. You should have seen the wide eyes of wonder on Evan's face when he saw what was on the ground. I wish you could have witnessed the cuteness of Landon's Hansel and Grettel moment following the trail of candy, while stuffing it in his mouth!!! It was beautiful!!!

Church of course was lovely, dinner with family was wonderful, and my bed looks sooo inviting. It was one very busy weekend.

p.s. the weather was FINALLY nice and I even got a tan line when I went and sat on my deck!!!!

(first signs of life in my yard. Is that a plant with a bug on it???)

(cuddling with sweet baby Levi)

(check out how small he still is!!!)

HAPPY EASTER

from our family to yours!!!

heart warming

2011-04-15T16:38:00.003-04:00

First I would like to say ...

I got a letter on Facebook from an old acquaintance in Florida. It was beautiful. I miscarried at the same time as she did, she was also 11 weeks along. Our emotional and physical experiences were very similar, except that she hadn't told anyone she was pregnant. She "happened" upon my blog and thanked me for helping her through the last couple of weeks. I am glad that my experience was able to help someone. I find it amazing that an old friend from my past was not only experiencing something that I was going through, but that it was happening at the exact same time and the same week of our pregnancies. Thank you LDF for your letter! You are an inspiration to me and it gives me strength to know that I am not the only one to experience what I did.

--------------------------------------------

I want to share a story that Evan's teachers sent home. He has a book and in it was written:

"Evan usually has a bucket of water that he plays in because he can't reach the water in the water table. Today Paige pushed him over to the big water table and gave Evan funnels and buckets so that he could play with her. It was really heart warming to watch! They spent half an hour there laughing the whole time!!"

Landon had a hard day today. Poor guy ... lets hope this isn't an indication of the rest of our week.

I'm an Auntie again

2011-04-11T16:59:00.005-04:00

Little Levi William Meyer decided to make his appearance 3.5 weeks early than he was expected. He was born on April 9 and weighs a very tiny 5 lbs. 10 oz. The "hopsipull" (as Evan would say) has stupid rules and since we aren't the grandparents we aren't allowed to see him.

We cannot wait to see this sweet little man and smother him with our love.

Another event that occurred on April 9? One of my dear sweet friends Lori Lester became a Mrs!!!!! I am so excited for her and wish I could give her my love and congratulations in person. Lori is one of the most kind, thoughtful, God-loving people I know. We have been friends since the 6th grade and adore her today more than she will ever know.

As for my little family of 4? We are well!!! Evan hasn't had a major melt down in over a week now (knock on wood). He has small tantrums, but nothing huge. I don't know if he is just growing out of it or it is the improvement in the weather, but I LIKE IT :-) Also this weekend Evan had only one accident in his pants. Does this mean he is starting to want to go to the bathroom in the toilet??? I'm not going to hold my breath, but here's to dreaming :-)

Speaking of the weather I think we might actually be coming into spring! I mean maybe. In about a day and a half I went from not being able to see my front lawn to now the snow is almost all gone. THAT is a good sign! This morning while Evan was eating his breakfast he looked out the window at our backyard and yelled ... "LOOK MOM .... GRASS!!!! Why is it brown?"

Some other funny things Evan has said lately:

We were going over nursery rhymes because they are learning about them in school. I started reviewing "Baa Baa black sheep" I started the rhyme and said "Baa Baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir yes sir three (and then Evan yells) SUITCASES!!"

Yesterday I was trying to be funny and said "Oh poop" Well Evan didn't think it was funny and kept getting after me for saying bad words. I kept giggling at his "discipline" method when he finally says to me "Mom, why are you making me the bad guy??" It was so funny because he said it just the way that I do when he is being a pill.

Landon is just funny! He said "house" today and is currently completely obsessed with trucks (which are any kind of car, but his favorite are construction vehicles. Good thing we live in a construction zone ... hour and hours of entertainment!!!

education

2011-04-09T01:09:00.004-04:00

I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. Whether we learn the reason now, later, or after we pass on we will learn the reason.

Long story short .... I don't have Bells Palsy again.

That is really a good thing. My doctor thinks I have what is called a "complex migraine".

There are several types of migraine headaches. A "complex migraine" is one in which there are neurological symptoms such as weakness, loss of vision, or difficulty speaking in addition to the headache. In fact, a complex migraine may be mistaken for a stroke.

One theory about the cause of migraine headaches is that blood vessels in the brain suddenly narrow (or spasm) and then dilate; when the blood vessels dilate, the headache develops. During the spasm phase, certain parts of the brain may receive too little blood, and this may cause the stroke-like symptoms. However, unlike a stroke, blood flow is not permanently interrupted during migraine headaches, and the neurological symptoms are nearly always temporary.

My doctor gave me some heavy medication and we are watching it.

I really believe that everything that my body is going through right now is because of the miscarriage.

My wonderful doctor said that a complex migraine is triggered by stress. I wonder what I have had to be stressed about?

Eureka

2011-04-07T00:29:00.002-04:00

So the boys socks have been disappearing. I have not been able to figure out where they are going. My washer and dryer couldn't have eaten that many could they? I finally figured it out. I pulled the Landon's crib away from the wall to confirm my theory.

I was right

My body is falling apart! Anything that is injured is flaring up. My tendinitis, my sciatica, my neck is stiff and I can feel my bells palsy threatening to return. The chiropractor thinks that my body is reacting to the miscarriage. He says he sees it a lot in women who miscarry. My bells palsy never really went away from November, but it has been manageable and only I notice. I have a thought that after I go to the endodontist tomorrow for a redo on my root canal it will help that. Hopefully .............

Thank you

2011-04-05T00:23:00.003-04:00

Thank You

How can I say thank you enough? Through this whole experience of my miscarriage I have been literally surrounded by angels. Angels who have watched my kids, angels who have brought magazines, sweets, trinkets, cards, flowers, hugs, and prayers.

All of these have lifted my spirits. I am more grateful than you will ever know. This trial has been made easier because of you!

Relating to people helps me. Before this week I have not been able to find anyone else who had a miscarriage experience like me. I have read and heard that others experiences were very painful, but not as long. This week I was at my friends. I haven't seen her for a while and we were talking about everything that has been going on. She had the same experience as I did!!! It was quite therapeutic to talk to her. She literally had the same experience ... blood loss, the giant painful pliers, emergency D&C. It was good to talk to her.

2011-04-03T02:17:00.002-04:00

Seriously??

I mean seriously????

Yesterday the boys and I were playing on a very dry, sunny deck. This is what it looked like this morning. The next picture is what it looked like this afternoon. Notice that the boat is gone.

funny story

2011-04-01T17:38:00.008-04:00

Sooooo funny!! I went on a picnic, despite the cold weather, with some of my friends. It is the last full day I have with my boys while Evan is on spring break. I knew that we just needed to get out. We packed up all our stuff and met our friends all bundled up.

Well there were a really large, very cold, muddy puddle that Landon was obsessed with. He doesn't have any rubber boots and was wearing his cowboy boots. He was getting his pants wet and muddy. I didn't really care, boys will be boys. I figured we would leave once the water seeped up high enough that he would be cold. My friend was snapping some pics of my sweet baby when he tripped and face planted in the cold water! It was sooo funny and sad!! He was drenched and had mud on his beautiful face. Poor baby!

Moments later Evan starts freaking out, I mean really FREAKING OUT, because he thought there was a bug on his boot. This happened yesterday too. He totally loses it and I am wondering what is going to happen when the weather actually warms up and there are real bugs (yesterday was a dead bug, today was a piece of mud) that are crawling around. I asked Evan why he is afraid of bugs and he said that it is because they will eat him. No matter what I tell him he does not believe me when I tell him that bugs are harmless. We even went through a list of bugs and what their purpose is on the earth. It's going to be one very interesting summer.

2011-03-31T11:26:00.001-04:00

OK ..... FIXED IT! Read ON!!!

2011-03-31T02:03:00.002-04:00

ok I don't know why blogger won't let me put spaces in the last post!!! I have re-done it 3 times now. It is hard to read and I don't know what to do. Anyone else ever had this problem?

My Boys: an update

2011-03-30T23:55:00.004-04:00

Evan: My little boy is growing up waaay too fast! He is truly a delight and such a cuddle bug (makes mom happy). Evan is experimenting with boundaries. He will fight me, which sucks, but I am trying to be the strong mother who doesn't give in. I know that I do him no favors when I give in. An example is a couple of days ago. He was sitting at the table NOT eating his breakfast. I wouldn't let him do anything fun until he finished his food. Well, it took him 2 1/2 hours to finish. He finished only 20 minutes before we sat down to eat lunch!

I had a funny conversation with Evan yesterday. It went as follows:
Evan- "Mom ... is 'scurvy dog' a bad word?
Me- (giggling) "no, you can say 'scurvy dog' "
Evan- "Mom, can my pirate say 'scurvy dog' ?"
Me- (still giggling) "Your pirate can definitely say scurvy dog."

My sweet Landon. What can I say about my sweet Landon. The most fun with this little boy right now is that he is very good at trying new words. We are loving hearing him "talk".

Some of Landon's new words are:
-Bum (he always puts both hands on his bum while he is saying it)
-He is very good at saying "DON'T". It is always very forceful with his lips completely puckered out, which makes it even cuter.
My ring tone is California gurls by Katy Perry. When my phone rings Evan always sings along with it. Landon has now started to join in on the "oooo ooooo".
Landon-ism's:
"Ass" = Sword (totally makes me laugh every time he says this, which is a lot)
"Hass" = Horse
"Kuck" = Truck
"Hat" = Cat
"Fruff" = Dog (he won't say Dog, but just makes the noise)
"Hess" = Yes
"YoHo" = this is what he says when he sees a boat

Landon is quite the conversationalist now, until he breaks down and then his conversation breaks down. He has started to become even more cuddly. I cannot believe how big he is now. Though he is still my baby he really doesn't look like a baby anymore. He looks like a big boy.

I am making it a goal to re-introduce myself into the blogging world, despite my moments! Speaking of moments, I had one yesterday. I went to hot yoga for the first time and started crying at the end of class. Why??? Because I was able to go to hot yoga. I wasn't allowed to attend when I was pregnant and now I can. I have realized that a lot of my breakdown moments are the first time I do something since. Other than that I just think about it a lot.

Apologies

2011-03-22T00:58:00.003-04:00

I am hereby apologizing:

-Sorry. Lately I haven't been a great commenter (ok, I haven't commented at all)! I love checking blogs. In fact it has been a great source of distraction through all of this stuff that I have been going through. I love y'all and I swear I am reading, but usually when I am reading blogs I have been wallowing a little in my own self pity. I promise I am coming back and I will start spreading my love again soon.

-Sorry my blogs have been fairly depressing ... not like this one is helping my run of optimism.

-Sorry there haven't been any pictures. It is too cold in our basement where I need to load the pictures, and my posts have been too depressing to put up a picture. Once this weather decides to change I just might brave the basement.

Alright, enough of the apologies.

Saturday was amazing. The performance rocked and I really hope hope hope that I can audition well enough to earn a full time position with them. I know they want me. They have been very open and clear about that. I desperately want to play with them. I wish they could just award me the spot without me having to audition. Oh well, things are always better when you earn them .... right???

Sunday was hard. I went to church for the first time since I lost the baby. I was conducting the hymns for the congregation. I almost lost it during the first two hymns, was ok during the third, and had my friend conduct the last hymn (THANK YOU KRISTEN) because I knew that there was no way I could make it through that one. I pretty much cried the rest of the time. Now that that is over and done with I think it will be easier.

I know I will never forget this baby that grew inside of me for 11 weeks, but it really is interesting how differently I feel now. Before when people would ask me how I felt, I couldn't really feel the difference from before (except the exhaustion, hunger, and boobs) but now that the baby is gone I totally feel a difference. Nothing else really to say about it, just it feels very different.

I am excited to be a parent volunteer on Evan's field trip tomorrow. I hope it isn't snowing because that would totally put a damper on our outdoor adventure (especially since Landon is sick and he is coming with us). Wish us luck!!!

A moment

2011-03-18T09:51:00.002-04:00

I had my first moment yesterday. I've read about them. I've read that they can't be anticipated and there is no warning.

Yesterday was my first "real" day out. The kids were taken care of and I was on my way to rehearsal. I am following the directions when all of a sudden I turn onto the road very near the ultrasound clinic we were at last Saturday for our news. I saw the clinic. I burst into tears and couldn't stop until I was almost downtown parking for my rehearsal.

I thankfully was able to pull myself together and immersed myself in a little Brahms musical therapy. I was alright during the rehearsal but still a little shaken up for the rest of the day. We will see what happens today.

On a bright note: The leprechauns attacked our lunch today! We had green mac n' cheese, pickles, cucumbers, and green milk!! Evan was too funny. If someones shirt wasn't entirely green he didn't think that counted. He insisted on pinching Justin because he had a white shirt and a green tie. He insisted that he pinch Landon because his shirt was white with green stripes. I was safe!

Another bright note: I wore something other than yoga pants today (mostly because I had been wearing the same ones for a while and couldn't justify another day ... they really need a wash). It was a t-shirt and some loose jeans, but it was still a slight effort.

Horrific ... but done

2011-03-16T13:37:00.005-04:00

If you are queasy or don't like graphic details, probably don't continue reading. I am not really going to spare any details.

Yesterday was a day of hell.

I was contacted that morning from the Early Pregnancy Loss clinic. When they heard that I had been bleeding and cramping since Saturday they skipped their lunch break to see me. After reading about all of my options I decided that I would like to have a D&C.

-Natural: There was no way to predict when it was going to happen, could be soon, could be weeks. I have rehearsals and a concert this weekend starting on Thursday (with that orchestra that I really want to be a full time member of). I did NOT want to be passing the baby during the rehearsals or the concert.

-The Pill: Tons of side effects, and will probably make my endometriosis worse.

-The D&C: Hardly any side effects. No pain during the procedure. Very little bleeding or cramping afterwards.

I had wanted to try and pass the baby naturally, but based on the week that I have ahead and everything that I read I decided that I wanted to have a D&C. To be honest I didn't want to carry around a dead baby inside of me anymore. It was too draining, physically and emotionally walking around knowing that I had a baby inside me with no heartbeat. The hospital didn't have any surgery opening available for the day but called and asked the surgeon if she would be willing to do an "emergency D&C" so I would have enough time to recover before my rehearsals start on Thursday. Thankfully the surgeon said she would do it.

They checked me into a bed to wait, which I was fine with because I wasn't feeling well at all. I was just waiting for a spot to open up for me to be squeezed in. About 2:00 my cramping was really intense, but there were moments of relief. The moments of intensity began to overtake the moments of relief, but my bleeding wasn't matching the pain. I was in a lot of pain. At the same time as the cramping I began to develop a fever.

At 5:30 I felt a large pop on the left of my uterus and an intense ripping across to the right of my uterus. Immediately the intensity of my cramps was pretty much unbearable and I was bleeding out. Like really bleeding out. Have you seen the large hospital pads? I bled through one of those pads and onto the bed 3 times in about 40 minutes. Once I started losing that much blood my "emergency D&C" turned into and actual emergency D&C.

At this point my fever was really high and was still rising (they checked me for everything and think the fever was a result of the baby). The surgeon was contacted and as soon as she finished the surgery she was in I would go in. Meanwhile I was continuing to lose even more blood at a rapid speed. My doctor and the resident went in and attempted to get as much out as they could with some long tweezers. My cervix had dilated on its own, but it was still really painful. They weren't able to get everything, but did manage to pull out some really large clots and some tissue. It was while they were doing this that Justin arrived.

I wish Justin had been able to get there sooner, but he had to wait on a ride to pick him up and drive him to the hospital. I really needed Justin with me, but thankfully the staff was incredible, and at least Justin was able to get there before I went in for the surgery. (speaking of the staff: when I was in such a massive amount of pain the resident came into my room and said that he didn't like hearing me in so much pain while I was alone so he was going to do his paper work next to my bed to keep me company. It was above and beyond and just what I needed.) I asked the doctor if endometriosis makes a miscarriage worse (more painful, blood loss, etc.) and he said that it did and that was why they were monitering me so closely. If I had known that ahead of time I don't think I would have even contemplated doing it at home naturally.

About 20 minutes after Justin arrived they took me down for my D&C. It was supposed to be done under conscious sedation, so imagine my surprise when they woke me up. The first question out of my mouth was "why was I asleep?" Apparently I was still in quite a bit of pain and not handling the procedure very well, so after a couple of minutes they decided to knock me out. I am grateful that I don't remember "not handling it well" and I hope I didn't give them too much grief. I was in pretty bad shape by the time I got to them though so I can only imagine what "not handling it well" meant.

It was amazing how much better I felt immediately after I woke up. The feeling was night and day!!! I was calm and I wasn't in pain anymore. They rolled me back up to my room where my darling, wonderful, supporting husband was there waiting for me. I finally got some water and a little bit of food. They helped me to the bathroom, made sure I was ok and signed us out. The wonderful nurses said they would let me go home a little early because Justin is a dentist and understands the effects of the drugs that were used. They trusted him to take care of me. It was nice to be able to go home.

I was REALLY dizzy from the anesthesia, but that came as no surprise because the same thing happened for my last surgery. I was just proud that I didn't throw up this time. I came really really close on the drive home, but managed to keep it all down.

This experience was truly horrific! I am glad that I didn't try and pass this naturally at home. I don't know what I would have done. It would have been a traumatizing experience for the boys and I would have ended up in the hospital anyways with the amount of blood loss that I had. I don't even know when my body would have gotten rid of everything on its own. The experience I had lasted from 2:00-8:00 when I went in for surgery and I hadn't passed any tissue on my own, I just bled and bled and bled.

I was blessed to be in the hospital where I knew I was safe and I can't praise the staff enough! This is a hellish experience for anyone to go through. Fasting, high fever, contracting, a ton of blood loss, and even more pain ..... and no baby. They knew that there was nothing good about the experience I was having and they were the bright spots that I can look to when I think back on it. When the experience got really bad I was never alone. If one of the staff had to go look in on another patient someone else came in to sit with me, or rub my back. They were amazing!

I am glad that this is finally over. My uterus is clean and I feel sooo much better now. I am grateful I am going to be well enough to rehearse tomorrow. I think it will be a good distraction for me.

Thank you for the prayers, good thoughts, meals, flowers and everything else you do for us!

I don't regret it

2011-03-13T13:27:00.002-04:00

I won't lie.

Yesterday sucked!!

I didn't get very much sleep Friday night. It was partially due to the fact that I was in quite a bit of pain but didn't want to take anything for it, and I was tossing and turning with a feeling of impending doom.

We were at the doctor when their doors opened. I was at the desk when she asked if I had an appointment. It was the first time I actually had to say the words out loud. I burst into tears when I told her that I was probably having a miscarriage. They sent us right in where the doctor told us to go have blood work and an ultrasound done. I was obviously most nervous about the ultrasound, because I knew that would be the most telling of the tests.

We drove to an ultrasound clinic that was open and waited. The room was cold, they wouldn't let Justin come in while they were doing the procedure. Afterwards I got dressed, they let Justin in and that is when they told us that the baby is still there, but there is no heartbeat. The room started spinning at that point. I just leaned into Justin, it was the only thing I could think to do. The ultrasound technician asked if we wanted to see it. I definitely did. I needed the finality of it. My heart still breaks a little as I picture that image on the ultrasound machine. Where the previous ultrasound was a little circle with a beating heart. This image looked like a baby. A baby with no heartbeat ... none ... just straight motionless lines of death.

We sat in the car crying together. It took about 10 min. for me to return to normal breathing. Then it was just heavy crying. Of course the initial feelings were "Why did God give us this gift after waiting for so long, only to take it away?" But then I remember that regardless of the time frame we had it for, this pregnancy, (for us) was still a gift!

Justin took me home and I laid in bed. I was in quite a bit of pain at that point and the emotional pain on top of it was a little too much for me to handle. Fortunately for me the physical pain is quite familiar. It is what I go through every month with my intense, endometriosis charged, periods. Once I finally got my physical pain to the manageable stage using my traditional "cocktail" of medication I was able to start focusing on the emotional pain.

I don't regret any way that I handled my pregnancy. I am glad that I told people as early as I did. I will always treasure the memories I have of the short time that I got to celebrate being pregnant. It was a beautiful experience to give my body over for the good of someone else. I treated this gift as a gift and never took it for granted. I enjoyed every moment of my 11 week pregnancy. I don't know why this happened, but I am not a stranger to trials. Justin and I have been asked to live through so many trials and I have always been given the strength to not only survive, but thrive. I am not ok right now, but I know I will be.

The only part of the whole experience that I wish I could change was that Justin didn't get to see the baby's heart beat. He couldn't come because of work and we had planned on him being there for the next one. That makes me sad, really sad.

It has really helped to know how much people love us. Friends and family are devastated with us. Knowing that we are not alone gives us so much strength. I now have several bouquets of flowers and some yummy "soothe your spirit" treats. It is amazing the effect that flowers have on me. The colors, the freshness, the reminder that someone is thinking of me ... they lift my spirits when I need it most. Thank you for all of the prayers, thoughts, comments, flowers, treats, and hugs. They all really help us.

I have my first "pre-natal" appointment tomorrow, which is now a "what now" appointment. I really want to pass this naturally. I hope the big stuff happens sooner than later so I can start to heal. I hope I can do it with out needing to go to the hospital, but who knows.

Thank you again for all of your love. We need it.