Life and death

Today I turned 32. That is weird for me to say out loud because it sounds so old now. I swear in my head I've never felt like I was a day past 20, but the faint lines on my face and my grey hair underneath the dye speak the truth. 

In all honesty today was not my best birthday. In so many ways it was kindve sad. I said goodbye to my boys for their first day of school. I played taxi and spent all day in my car. And then I was told some very sad news.  A friend of mine had a child pass away yesterday. It doesn't matter that her son was an adult or that his death was relatively unexpected. Your child is your child always and forever. My heart aches for her and I shed many tears and said many prayers for her today. Thomas' death hit home in a personal way for me. 

Thomas had muscular dystrophy. His family has been one that we look to so we can see our potential future with Evan. His death is the realization of my biggest fear, Losing my children. Though our family celebrates life, having children with special needs makes the fear of losing a child a constant companion in the darkest corners of your thoughts. When this fear becomes a reality to any of those I know and love it makes my own fear rear it's ugly head for a while. 

Today I get to turn another year older while others don't have that chance.  So I choose to celebrate the lines that are beginning to show on my face. I will rejoice every time my silver roots grow a little too long and I will try my hardest to live each of my days to their fullest. I will love my little life because it is mine.  I may not always live gracefully and some days will be worse than others but I will live. 

My boys took me to sushi, and some good friends surprise kidnapped me for appis and dessert.  Now I get to end my 32nd birthday in the best possible way by kissing each of my four sleeping littles goodnight, snuggling up to my snoring love, and praising God for their health and beautiful life that I get to be a part of.