I am constantly worrying about my kids. I worry about what others do to them. I worry about what they do to others. I worry about the choices that they will make, and I worry about the choices that they won't have. I also worry that I won't know what to do, or how to react in every one of these situations.
One of my fears has come true in the last week.
At the beginning of the school year we had a lot of trouble with busing for Evan. His day was too long and it was not a situation that he could continue with. We managed to switch companies and it seemed to be working well. The schedule was better and he was riding with other kids. The problem is that his chair loads in the back and he had to sit with the middle schoolers. I was worried about what he would learn from kids so much older than him. Little did I know it would be so much worse than I imagined.
I have a hard time getting my kids to really open up and talk about the "deep" things in their life. I mostly attribute this to their age and attention span. On our way to the hospital on Monday for a sleep study I could tell Evan was in a mood to talk. I turned all distraction off and we talked. My heart broke when I discovered that he has been bullied for several weeks by some of these middle school age kids. My sweet sensitive 6 year old is being bullied by teenagers! The saddest part about this is that Evan told me that it was all ok because he now put himself down with them and now they like him. My 6 year old even used the phrase, "Mom, its ok. I have to do this because they are the cool kids and I have to fit in with them." He then went on to put himself down for the next 15 minutes. I couldn't sway him to say anything positive. Evan saw my reaction to this information and kind've shut down. The part that makes me the most sad is that he thinks that these jerks are his friends now, because he has began to feed into their game of bully Evan. This has come on the heels of some behavior issues at home and school in the last couple weeks that now makes sense.
I called Evan's vice principal, who I have a good relationship with, and told her what was going on. She was alarmed and to my pleasure started to investigate immediately! Both schools administration has been very much on top of the situation and the guilty parties have been discovered. Evan's vice principal even rode the bus with the kids today along with a speech to all the kids on the bus about what is appropriate behavior and what is not. I am a little disappointed that they chose to leave the seating arrangements "for now" and "see how it goes", but hopefully these bullies have been scared enough by multiple principals to change their behavior.
I hope that Evan isn't affected by this in the long term. His life is already harder than most everyone else and it is only going to get harder as he physically declines. I hope that Evan can know that these idiots are not good examples of what friends should be. I pray with all my heart that he can remember what a great kid he is. I hope that he remembers his own morals and doesn't accept their poor behavior as normal behavior that he needs to take part in. I hope he remembers that he is perfect, just the way God made him. I hope he remembers that I love him so much that I literally lack the words to describe just how much.
I put "love notes" in his lunch every day and made sure that the last couple days have been about his strengths. He had one of his aides help him write a note back to me and he gave that to me yesterday. I burst into tears, which he thought was awesome. I feel so confused about what I can do in this situation and how to help him remember his worth and his note made me feel a little bit better. Maybe I'll do alright. I know I am trying to do my best.
this is a painting of a golden pyramid that Evan made for a contest at his school