Monday, April 29, 2013


Some look at our family and feel sorry for us.

Some look at our family and praise us for our strength.

Some look at our family and think that we lie about our how happy we are.

My life is far from tragic.  Obviously my life didn't go the way that I imagined it would when I was growing up, but my life has gone in the direction that God needed it to go and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My children are literally my pride and joy.  I cannot imagine my life without them.  They come from amazing families and I am grateful to them for giving me my family.  I have a busy life, but I really believe that I was built for it.  Yes I have hard moments, days, and sometimes weeks, but the hard times are a small price to pay for the beauty I get to experience in my life.

I feel grateful that I live in a time and a place that I have the resources to take care of myself and my family.

I have always been very open with who I am and how I feel, good and bad. This is my truth.

And yes I absolutely wore a Twilight shirt and a horcrux to Evans concert this weekend.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Real life

Life is funny.

Life throws you curve balls all along the road.  Some you are prepared for, some that take you by surprise.  Some are happy and some are sad, but its all part of our personal heavenly plan.

I am sitting here in a quiet and clean home (thank you hubby) and I'm feeling really calm.  Evan and Landon are at school, Cameron is sleeping in his swing upstairs and everyone is healthy and happy.  It is hard to believe that the stress of surgery is over.  The last six months of my life have been getting our whole family ready for Cameron's open heart surgery and now he is through that and doing so well.  His doctors are almost giddy with how happy they are about his progress.

Evan and Landon are also doing really well right now.

Evan has a loose tooth and it is blowing my mind!  How do I have a baby that's old enough to have a loose tooth?  He was trying to eat an apple and kept saying that he couldn't because it was too hard and hurt his tooth.  Of course my first response was that he was exaggerating because he wanted a snack with a bit more processed sugar in it.  Once I realized that he was actually in quite a bit of pain when he tried to bite the apple I panicked and called Daddy Dentist.  Justin calmly said that he probably had a loose tooth which I immediately shut down because Evan, my baby, is for sure not old enough to have a loose tooth.  Sure enough though my big boy does indeed have a loose tooth and I'm left wondering where the time has gone.  On Monday Evan had a doctors appointment and when the doctor asked about his allergies Evan informed him that he was allergic to wine.  I died!  He is so funny!  It was even funnier when the doctor very professionally asked Evan if that meant that he was also allergic to beer and other alcoholic beverages.  Evan very seriously said that yes, he was allergic to those as well!  I just sat behind him trying not to laugh out loud.

Landon is benefiting from our "spring" weather.  Ok, well there isn't a lot of snow on the ground so he can at least be outside if he is dressed appropriately.  He is a little comedian, but his is mostly in his face and body language.  We were watching General Conference with our friends and I peak at him through the prayer to see if he is being good and he is sitting very calmly, arms folded, on our friends HEAD and giggling.  Landon completed his gymnastics course.  He will be starting soccer soon and he is really REALLY excited about this new adventure!

We are all happy.  I feel I have the energy now to be able to focus on some of the other obligations I have and hopefully get some things done that have been needing my attention.  I feel like this time is fairly calm in our lives and I plan on soaking it up.  You never know when life will throw you another curve ball.

Now if the weather would warm up ...........


Thursday, April 4, 2013

Cameron's surgery: Day 10 and 11

Tuesday was a busy day for our little man.  He had to have a repeat of that "scary" wire test where he was confirmed to have Wolf Parkinson White and they are suspecting that condition is to blame for all of his  first 24 hour adventures in the PICU.  They said that because of where they were doing this second test I would not be able to be in the room, but at least they let me bring him into the room with them.  I was hanging out in the back hoping that they would forget to kick me out, but as they were getting ready to start a very nice nurse remembered that I wasn't supposed to be there and ushered me out.  *Darn*  Cameron came back to me screaming!!!  I expected as much since he reacted to the first test while he was sedated and now he wasn't sedated at all.  Also I talked to one of the nurses about how I felt it was a really hard test for a parent to hand their baby over to.  She told me that she talked to a teenager who has had that test and he told her its one of the most uncomfortable tests he has ever done.  Poor baby!!!

After the doctor completed the wire test and we were back on the floor another doctor came and pulled his pacing wires (it took him a LONG time to calm down after that one) and our cout down for coming home started.  We had to wait at least 6 hours after the wires were pulled to be discharged.  

I spent the whole day talking to nurses, doctors, dieticians, physio, pharmacists etc. about our discharge information and what we needed to be doing at home.  Mostly I just cuddled my baby, once I was aloud to hold him again after his pacing wires were pulled!  

Around supper time I loaded up a wire free baby, pinched myself and took him to the Ronald McDonald house.  I ate dinner, checked out, and came home.  It made for a very late night, but I wanted to get back to my home and family.

Our first day home was almost surreal!  Thankfully my mom is still here until saturday and I got a nap in.  I realized when I woke up yesterday that the last week was extremely draining on me!  I was soooo tired and my mom is amazing and let me sleep!  It was so needed!  Honestly I am so grateful for her.  My mother is the reason that this whole experience was less stressful for Justin and I.  Her help has meant more than words can even say.  

There were so many things that are cool for us to see.  Cameron went in the elevator for the first time because he is finally tube free and can go.  I can move around so much easier.  Honestly I almost don't know what to do with myself being cord free.  One of the sweetest moments was when the boys woke up yesterday.  The first thing they both said when they saw me was "Is Cameron home?????"  "Can I hold him now?  I need to see him, where is he?"  They sure do love their brother!     

Today is our second day home, and we are loving the rest.  Cameron is healing everyday.  God is good!

100% wire free!!!

Its good to be home!  Landon dressed me up as a princess.

First time in the elevator

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

Cameron's surgery: Day 9

Today was the last day Justin, Mom and the boys were going to be here.  I let my mom spend the morning with Cameron and Justin and I took the boys to the amusement park at the West Edmonton mall.  They were so excited when they realized what we were doing.  It was really nice to spend that kind of time with them and play as a family.

Justin and the boys dropped me off at the hospital and they drove to pick up GG.  It is always such a beautiful moment when I get to see a Grandparent, or a Great Grandparent meet my children for the first time.  There really aren't any words to describe it except that it really is beautiful.

It is amazing to have my baby back!  Cameron's personality really is amazing!  He spent the entire day smiling, cooing, and smiling some more.  The biggest news to report is .........


I can hardly believe it!  This is the first time that I have ever seen my baby without his tubes, other than tube changes.  It is so strange for me to see him without tubes and at the same time see his oxygen saturation in the high 90's.

The other big thing to report is that we might be coming home tomorrow.  Cameron has a repeat of the "scary" test bright and early in the morning, and then we might get the word that we could be discharged.  That information came WAY earlier than I expected.  Really if we do go home tomorrow that will be exactly 7 days after his surgery.  Even the fact that we are already discussing coming home 7 days after open heart surgery just blows my mind.  At this point I know that even if we don't end up coming home tomorrow that it is going to be soon.

I am just so proud of my little one.  He is doing so good.  Now I am just really curious to see if he goes back on oxygen in Calgary or not.  I have already been warned that babies who come off of oxygen in Edmonton are notorious for needing it for a little longer in Calgary because the city is at a higher elevation.

As always I am humbled by the prayers that have been said for our baby.  I am just as humbled by all those celebrating all of Cameron's accomplishments.  I only hope that I can be that kind of support for others.

I am going to bed a very happy Mama tonight.  

Monday, April 1, 2013

Cameron's surgery: Day 8

Happy Easter!

It was a beautiful Easter day for us and I think we managed all of our different obligations well.

After a horrible night we had a lovely morning with the boys.  Evan was up the entire night (literally) bugging us because he was trying to catch the Easter Bunny in action.  This would have been fine if he had his own room, but we are all in the same room right now.  I try to remind myself that I love that kind of belief.  I love that Evan is excited enough by the magic that he will keep himself up because he so desperately wants to be a part of it, even if it means that I feel like dying the next day.

The Easter Bunny was very generous this year and left baskets for all of the children in the Ronald McDonald house just outside our room doors.  There may or may not have been some little extra "personal" items added to the boys baskets.  They each got a Skylander giant and I think their heads almost exploded with excitement!!!  Joy was literally radiating through their faces.

We all got ready for the day and went to wish Cameron his first Happy Easter.  He was sooo sad when we got there and I think it is because they gave him a bath, removed all of his bandages, and cleaned all of his wounds.  We stayed with him for a little bit and then Mom, Justin and the boys went to church while I stayed and read stories about Jesus to Cameron.  He ended up falling asleep and we had a beautiful Easter morning together.

After church Justin and I played switcheroo and I drove the boys to my Grandma's house for Easter dinner.  She lives in Edmonton and was very excited to spend a little time with the boys.  As always, she spoiled the boys and they got another easter basket from the Easter Bunny there.  She also invited a cousin of mine over that I hadn't seen since we were very small children.  It was a lovely visit, although it wasn't long enough.

We raced back to the house for the Easter Egg hunt and were convinced that we had missed it because we were so late, but it had (fortunately for us) been delayed until after dinner.  We talked and played and talked and played until dinner was ready and were really treated special tonight.  I felt like we were eating in a fancy restaurant.  The food was phenomenal!!!!  We even had some pie and followed the evening with the coveted Easter egg hunt.  The boys loved it and we were even able to have it outside, which was a nice change.

Justin played stay at home dad and mom and I headed back to the hospital to cuddle our sweet baby again.  I finally got what I have been waiting for ... his first post op smiles!!!!  He gave the first one to grandma, but saved some for me.  We spent the rest of the night talking, and watching him smile and coo.  I had put up some decorations for Cameron to look at and he loved it.  He was fascinated by everything to watch.  I feel like today is the first time that Cameron is really starting to act like himself again.  His personality was shining tonight!

Landon wouldn't sit still long enough to get a picture of him in his Easter outfit, and then Justin let him change out of it for the hunt. Believe me though, he looked cute!

Jen's daughter said to me, why do you remind me of someone?  I responded with, "maybe it cause I kindve look like your mom"  Her daughter said "yeah, thats probably it." and left.

zombie daddy!

Grandma finally got to hold this little one post op!  I think he loves her, what do you think?