Sunday, April 27, 2014

Reflection

I am feeling very mixed feelings right now.  Even though I know that it is common for first time pregnancies to go past their due date I still can't help but feel a slight disappointment at going past that date the doctors gave me.  I am big, very few of my clothes fit, I am in constant pain, I am exhausted all the time, my heartburn is out of hand, and sometimes I literally can't move.  So it might be surprising when I say that each of these 9 days past my due date have been such a gift.  

I know that I am going to miss this experience so much.  I've felt so grateful to have this adventure.  I rub my belly all the time, trying to guess which body part I am caressing.  Lately, the evenings have been my favorite time of day because the baby is so active.  My stomach moves in waves and I just sit and stare at the wonder that my body has created.  The movements are powerful and I am desperate to remember how it feels to have this baby inside of me.

I stand in front of the mirror and stare at myself trying desperately to burn the image of my pregnant body into my memory.  It is still something so surreal and beautiful for me to see and I know that the second I give birth to this miracle that image will be gone.  I am proud of the 50 pounds I have gained . I am proud of the ability my body has to change according to the needs of my growing baby.    

I am now 9 days over due.  If this baby doesn't make its arrival before 10AM tomorrow morning it is to the hospital for me.  It has been a highly emotional day for me.  Knowing that these are the last hours that I will have this baby inside of me makes me really sad, and yet I am SO excited to meet this little one.  I can't wait to know if I will be holding a little boy or a little girl in my arms.

Ultimately I have to say that I am unbelievably grateful for this experience.  The pregnancy hasn't been the easiest or the most difficult I have ever heard of, but it has been my experience.  I treasure every moment I have experienced, good and bad.  It has all been worth it to be able to have this opportunity to bring this little life into the world.  I very much look forward to what tomorrow will bring.

Wish me luck.      

6 comments:

Lynn said...

Beautiful. I do wish you all the best. I too went for an induction with my first. Your post brought back so many memories. I too also gained 50 pounds. It was worth it. You wrote this so beautifully. I'll be thinking of you.......

Ms Virginia said...

Prayers and best wishes for a beautiful delivery experience, Kira. I love you! I feel every feeling for you, as you know my experience with adoption and pregnancy is so much like yours!
Love,
Virginia

Peter and Mandy said...

Oh I am so excited for you...I'm going to be anxious all day tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you!

Natalie said...

Kira!!! I'm not on Facebook so I'm just dying to hear how everything went and if you have a new son or daughter! I hope everything went well and you're recuperating!

Kallie said...

Not sure if you guys remember me but I took care of Cameron in the NICU. I hope everything went smoothly and you are all doing well!!

Lisa said...

I cried again reading this as I cried when we talked about it in person. I cannot even begin to express how thankful I am that I was able to be there. Such a blessing! I love you!! xxoo