Mommy's Day Off

I warn you now that this post is probably going to consist of the thoughts of a fuzzy and overtired brain. It may be incoherent, but you have been forewarned!

My recovery thus far:

Two steps forward, One step back. This famous one liner easily sums up how I feel about my recovery. I feel like with every huge stride I make towards healing I'm am thrown a curve ball that sets me back that much. I think that the problem is I am battling two things at once that are countering each other. Two side effects of the shingles in my ear are:

a) restlessness/ not sleeping at night

b) raging headaches

These both pose a MAJOR problem to getting over the Bells Palsy, for which the only cure is rest.

Last week I did a pretty good job at "taking it easy", not doing a ton of extra, but I wasn't sleeping at night. Combine that with a drive to Edmonton, and a night with literally no sleep and my body started to shut down again.

THANK HEAVENS for angels that God puts in my life to help me through all of this.

1) My husband has been amazingly supportive through all of this!!! He loves me through it all and is being very patient while I am trying to heal.

2) My Relief Society president brought over a dinner the other day so I didn't have to worry about cooking that night.

3) Kristen has called me everyday to see how I am doing.

4) I have had my family from the states call often to see how I am feeling.

5) My wonderful, wonderful mother-in-law came over yesterday and literally gave me a day off!!!! I had a gift certificate to a day spa that I hadn't used yet and she came to my house so I could have a day completely about relaxation!! I don't know if she knows just how much I needed that break!!! It was literally a godsend!

Since I had taken a week off from actually socializing I continued my Mommy's day off with a movie instead of "early to bed". I had to load myself up on Excedrin to be able to do it, but I think it was good to have the mental release of going out.

Side effects for shingles usually last about two weeks, so hopefully by the end of this week I will be feeling better. The hard thing about what I am going through is that nobody can see how tired this makes me. Nobody can hear the throbbing in my head, and it is really hard to function as a person when I feel like the left half of my head is going to explode out of my eyeballs, nose, and random parts of my head.

If I have been short with you, please forgive me ... I'm not in my right mind.

If I have been a Debbie Downer lately, please forgive me ... hopefully I will be back to my perky usual self soon!

not just a cold!

So its not just a cold for me.

Saturday night my left eye started twitching. I just thought that I was really tired and needed to get to sleep.

Sunday my lip started twitching, my eye started drying out, I started to drool a little out of the left side of my mouth, and the rest of that side started to go numb.

The REASON this scared me so badly is because 3 years ago I had Bells Palsy (facial paralysis) which is really bad for an oboe player. I was pretty sure that it was my Bells Palsy coming back on Sunday and I went to the emergency room hoping that because I was catching it early I would maybe just maybe nip it in the bud before it got to the point it did last time.

I was pretty upset Sunday night. I have worked really hard for 2 years to find places to play my oboe more regularly, and it has finally started to work. I have been really happy!!! Knowing that there was a possibility that I would have to throw that away was overwhelming!

The final diagnosis is ..... not simple.

Because I have had Bells Palsy in the past it can be triggered easier. It is caused by the presence of the herpes virus and triggered by stress and exhaustion. At the hospital I found out that I have shingles in my left ear (which is also caused by the herpes virus). The doctor figures that because I have been extremely stressed and tired combined with the shingles, and my cold my Bells Palsy was triggered easier. He told me that hopefully since I was catching it early,getting on medication early, and if I was really careful to rest it probably (no guarantee) won't get any worse.

I am going to be really selfish with my time this week. I am going to sleep as often as I can and take a lot of moments for me to relax and rest. I need my face. Pray for me.

Goodnight!

My week without a husband

Justin had a conference in Las Vegas this week and I was alone all week. I am not going to lie ... it was really hard. There are many things that contributed to that result, but nevertheless, I am glad he is going to be home in about an hour. The best part is that we survived (it was touch and go some days)!

Here are some pictures to recap

Landon's nose describes a lot. Evan has been sick for a while (like every fall/winter) and because the cold has been hanging around our house for so long, Landon got it. I don't sleep well when Justin is gone and so I got the cold as well. Landon doesn't sleep when he is sick, I am tired. It is just a cold, we will all survive, it is just annoying.

I took the boys to North Calgary for a live performance of Toopi and Beanou. They loved it! Evan was very concentrated on the show and Landon was just excited.

I wanted to say a little bit about what else happened this day. I arrived with the boys early, so they would be able to see. There was a soft mat in the middle of the floor and I made sure that we sat just outside the mat so that Evan wasn't in anybodies way in his wheelchair. Yes it meant I was on the floor, but since we weren't aloud strollers the only way I would be able to manage both boys was if Evan stayed in his chair. During the hour we made friends with another mother sitting next to us. The area filled with people and I was glad that I had gotten there early. About 10 minutes before the show was going to start someone from the mall comes up to me and asks me if I would please move my family to the handicap section (WAY IN THE BACK) so the people sitting directly behind Evan would be able to see. Then a woman beside Evan pipes up and says "Yea, that would be nice." I explained to the woman that I had gotten there early so my kids would be able to see, that we were sitting on the outskirts of the mat that they had placed down and that all the children were standing up anyway. She insisted that Evan would still be able to see and that they set up the handicap section for a reason. My eyes started to tear up and I really felt like we were being slightly mistreated and that it wasn't fair to Evan. I started to get up and leave when our new "friend" sitting next to us began throwing a fit on our behalf. She was saying things like " How dare you make this little boy feel different when he already has so much against him." "Everyone can see behind him just fine" "They aren't even in the middle, why would you put him in the back?" In the end they let us stay where we were and I felt so grateful for the sweet lady who stood up for our family. About 3 minutes after everything was settled and I was thanking our friend for her help the rude woman next to Evan leans over, pats my leg and says in an oober sweet voice "good for you sweetie for standing up for yourself". I felt like strangling the hypocrite!!

why do I even bother putting on a bib, when this is what happens to the other end.

We said goodbye to Timmy this week. With A LOT of hard work I got Timmy to the point that I didn't feel euthanization was an option. Through this whole ordeal we planned to euthanize him twice, but he would show improvement and I would cancel it. Finally he stabilized! The problem was that he ended up losing his sight and is still very gimpy and slow, but he moves around as much as he did, his personality is back, and he eats and drinks on his own. The problem is that in our home you need to be able to see a 300lb wheelchair, AND be able to get out of the way fast enough. Since Timmy could do neither we knew he wasn't safe in our home. I called the trainer who helped me find Timmy to see if she knew of anyone who would be able to love and care for him "as is" knowing that his eyesight and mobility may or may not come back. She said that she thought she could place him fairly easily and even offered to keep him herself until she found a new home. I felt that would be the best thing for Timmy and yesterday she came and picked him up. We were all very sad to say goodbye, and it really affected my day in a bad way. I am so sad, but I know this is the right thing for Timmy and it is WAY WAY WAY better an outcome than I originally thought we would face.

check out Landon's shoes. He brought them to me and wanted to wear these ones ... why not?

p.s. I came to the realization this week that BOTH of my children are going through the terrible two's at the SAME TIME!!!!!! Evan is late and Landon is early! I am just hoping that the double tantrums, the HUGE double messes, the talking back and the hitting, the screaming, and the complete and utter irrational behavior, etc. will be over at the same time so I can have both of my angel children back again. We are about a month and a half in right now so that means I should only have 10.5 months left right?????? Please tell me I'm right.

3 of 4 cousins in superman shirts ... TOTALLY UNPLANNED!!!!

Friday morning I got an email from the Muscular Dystrophy Association saying that they had tickets to the hockey game available to anyone who might want them. I emailed her saying we were interested. We got them and I asked one of our sweet babysitters if she wanted to come with me to help me with the boys. It was such a fun night for the boys and me. I loved having Maddy there with us and hopefully it was a good memory for my boys. I think it was.

Today I took the boys to the Farmer's Market to get some yummy produce, farm fresh eggs, and say hi to Granny Lanny and Grandpa Mark. The boys and I had a ton of fun on our outing, came home and us three sickos slept for 3.5 hours, went to the store to get some last minute thanksgiving items and had a fairly relaxing evening together.

I am so grateful that I don't have to be a single mother. It is hard and every time I have to do it alone my heart goes out to all of you who have to do it alone. Yes it is possible, yes I could do it full time, I am so glad that I don't have to!!

Our New Home!!!!!

This post is WAYYYYY overdue!!!! There has just been so much else to post about and I never had the time to dedicate to this post that I wanted. Most people already know, but ..........

WE BOUGHT A LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!

We knew, when Evan was first diagnosed, that weren't going to be able to stay in our current home. We began researching communities, accessible features that we would need, and all of that fun stuff.

Justin and I decided that as much as we love living in Auburn Bay it didn't have some of the accessibility that we wanted for Evan. We made the choice on the perfect community and were just waiting for the estate lots to open.

One day (back in May) we bought new bikes and went for a bike ride in our current community. We walked into the Baywest show home and started asking really specific questions about building a home in this other community. During our discussion we had mentioned that we would love to stay in Auburn Bay, but it just wouldn't work for Evan. The salesman admonished us to "check out " a lot around the corner. We obliged, but were skeptical.

It changed our lives!

Two weeks later we were the proud owners of a beautiful piece of dirt.

We felt so good about it and here are some of the things we love about our new home ...

1) it is the only place in our community that has the amenities that we wanted for Evan (paths and sidewalks)

2) it is located on the lake, but doesn't have the cost of a lake house

3) it has a south facing back yard.

4) neighbors on one side only (aka: great views)

5) we get to stay in the city so Evan can have the socialization that is so important.

6) we still get somewhat of a yard so Landon will be able to run around

7) there is a play park down the street that Landon can play at (and I am sure will break some bone on his body at :-)

We just signed off on the plans so they should start digging soon :-) I will keep you updated as our forever home is being built.

These pictures were taken the day we bought the lot.

the park next to our lot

We are soooo excited to finally have a home that works for our family. One that Evan can have the freedom to move around in. A home that Evan can actually use!

the results to my game

I am rather disappointed that only 2 people played my little game ... not even my family played!!!

Thankfully Irene and Kathy played my game, so here you go girls ... the results!!!

IRENE

October 30, 2007

I LOVE this picture! Evan was only 3 months old and it perfectly displays his beautiful almond eyes! He was such a small baby and literally had NO hair! He was such an EASY baby to take care of, really a dream child :-)

KATHY

February 5, 2007

(I didn't have any pictures on your birthday, so I chose the closest date that I did have pictures)

This picture is from the Medieval Fair in Gainesville. We went a couple of times while we lived there, but this is the first time we attended the event. I had always wanted to ride an elephant and I was tickled when Lacy said she would go with me. It was such a short, silly ride, but is still a wonderful memory for me.

Thanks for playing my game guys. It was fun for me to reminisce and I look forward to playing again in the future.

no joke!!!

Timmy has 2 days left before we make a final decision and tonight he almost met a different kind of fate.

I have been out at my sister in laws party and Justin is away for the night with Evan. I arrived home, put Landon in his crib, and took Timmy out to go potty. It is very late at night and I am watching Timmy hobble around when all of a sudden a HUGE owl swoops down from nowhere towards Timmy. I screamed (partially of fear, and partially of protection for Timmy) and ran to pick up our sweet pup. It was so crazy!

I have seen this owl standing in the street before. It was about a month ago and I was outside doing something. I saw an object in the middle of the rode and walked up closer to see what it was. I was stunned when I saw a huge white owl 10 feet from me. We stared at each other for a while and then he flew off. When this happened I thought it was a one time magical moment, not realizing that the very same owl (and it definitely was the same bird) would try and steal my injured dog!

My little game

A while back I asked what songs you could listen to every day for the rest of your life. Many of you asked me what song I couldn't live without.

I think this is a pretty impossible question for me to answer. Being a musician I actually LOVE a lot of music and have a tricky time narrowing. I came up with a list (maybe not short enough) but here you go, a list of songs I never EVER get tired of. I have the titles of the songs linked to YouTube for easy listening, so just point and click.

-Hallelujah- Rufus Wainwright
-Baba Yetu- Christopher Tin
-Hard Habit- Chicago
-Its my Life- Bon Jovi
-Jupiter- Holst
-Gabriel's oboe from The Mission soundtrack
-Good-bye my Lover- James Blunt
-Unanswered Prayers- Garth Brooks
-I can't help falling in love with you- Elvis version
-Moon River- Andy Williams
-Love Today- Mika
-Final Countdown- Europe
-Psalm 23- Jeff Majors
-Time to Say Goodbye- Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman
-anything from the opera "Carmen"
-Viva La Vida- Coldplay

NOW LETS PLAY ANOTHER GAME

Pick a day, month, and year as early as January 2003-now and I will post a picture from that date and tell you the background to the picture.

(and I promise to do it this weekend :-)