You can do hard things

You Can Do Hard Things

I was talking to my friend yesterday and she told me about this quote that she found. I love it!!! We are going to get together and make signs for our homes. "You Can Do Hard Things" God has asked me go through some very hard things in my life, but you know what????

He knew I could do it.

My Heavenly Father has not asked me to do anything that I can't do. When I didn't have faith in myself I had faith in God. I know I can get through anything when I keep Him in my life.

I heard a quote by Iyanla Vanzant. She said: "Words create experiences. When you say 'I can't' you won't." Hopefully I will be able to remember this through my life, and remember that I CAN do hard things :-)

Now before you go and analyze why I am writing this post .... my life is actually going really well. This pregnancy (still weird to say that) is such a miracle and blessing that it is really causing me to reflect on how I got here. The refining moments in my life AND the miracles that have come from those moments. This is just one of my many miracles I get to experience.

Now it has been entirely too long since I said anything about my two angels soooooo:

Evan: This little boy is so smart! I love to see him work out problems in his head and then let me in on his thoughts. He is so full of love and shares it with so many people. One day after school his bus driver asked me if he could keep Evan. I, of course, said no, but smiled. I guess while Ron was unbuckling Evan, Evan grabbed his ear and said "Ron I love you". We are trying to teach Evan how to tell jokes and he doesn't really get it, which makes the experience just that much funnier.

Landon: What can I say about my bundle of energy???? This kid has got PERSONALITY!!! He will grab your face and lay a big fat kiss on you, run away kick what ever is in his path, open the cupboards throw out all of the bowls and pots, run to the dishwasher open it up, open the garbage and throw a dish away, run back around to the living room, throwing a couple of books off the shelf and ending up right back in your lap to lay another big one on you!!! What ever he feels he lets you know and our life is NEVER dull because of him. :-)

Hope y'all are well .... and thank you for all of your sweet comments about our announcement. It has been soooo much fun to continue to go through them and see how much we are loved! We really love you all, and I guess I have proof now that people actually do read my blog ;-)

My feelings

All along the way I have been jotting down the way I have been feeling so I won't forget. Now that the announcement has been made and I know for sure that I am indeed pregnant, I wanted to share with everyone some of the thoughts that have been going through my mind while I was undergoing tests to determine what was happening.

January31, 2011- I took two pregnancy tests today ... they were positive. It can't be true, but there they are in front of me, two little plus signs. I am going to the doctor on Thursday.

February 3, 2011- The doctors office confirmed it!!!! I am in shock, and complete awe! I can't believe this might actually be happening to me. I went into the office peed in my cup and waited. I made sure that I had my appointment with Dr. Bernhardt. He is such a wonderful doctor and has taken such amazing care of our family. He cares about us, he knows us, and I wanted to talk about this with him.

He walked into the room and I say "are you surprised to see me?" His response was that he saw that I was in to confirm pregnancy and he triple checked his papers. He knew that there was no way it was me, it had to be a different Kira Palmer. He asked me to tell him what has been going on. I told him that I expected my period to come all last week. I had all of my usual signs, but it just wasn't coming. I then told him that in the past if I took a pregnancy test it would always trigger my period, so that's what I did. The conversation then went like this ...

Kira: "When I took the test it came out positive. Because it is me, I didn't believe it and took the other one."

Dr. Bernhardt: "Why do people always take two?"

Kira: "I didn't believe the first one. I knew there had to be something wrong. I still don't really believe it."

Dr. Bernhardt: "Well .................... ours is positive too!"

I wish that I could describe the way he said that last line. It is the line that I keep replaying in my head constantly. Tears filled my eyes and I couldn't believe that this was even a possibility. What he did next was something that I never expected to happen to me in all of my life. He picked up the little wheel and began talking pregnancy talk. My head was spinning, its still spinning.

Because of my history of infertility Dr. Bernhardt is monitoring me for the other possibilities it could be.

1. A rare form of cancer that makes the pregnancy hormone spike.

2. An unfertilized egg that has implanted.

3. A molar pregnancy, which is a growth in the uterus.

I am keeping my emotions guarded right now. I know I am still in shock. I don't think I will believe it until all of the tests come back saying that it appears to be a true pregnancy.

Dr. Bernhardt gave me a big hug at the end of the appointment and congratulated me. It was such a sweet moment. My first congratulations on something HUGE in my life. I was still kind of absent for the moment though because I am in such great shock and denial.

I want this to be true.

February 5, 2011- I still can't believe that I might be pregnant! It has been 3 days since Dr. Bernhardt walked into the room and said "Ours is positive too". I am constantly replaying the moment in my mind over and over and over. It is consuming my every thought. I want it to be true, but I can't let myself believe it until I know for sure that it isn't one of the other 3 possibilities.

February 8, 2011- Dr. Bernhardt called today. He told me that everything in my blood work indicates a true pregnancy!! I can't believe it!!! I asked him if I had permission to get excited now and he said that I could! I am so excited .... and I still can't believe this is happening to me! I am so excited, and I am so grateful. I keep expecting to start bleeding at any moment, but so far I am still pregnant. I am pregnant!!!

February 17, 2011- I saw the heart beat today! I really believe that I have been waiting this whole time for that proof. Up until now I have known that I am pregnant, but didn't really feel pregnant (except for my utter exhaustion). When she showed me the little heart beating it was the final proof that I needed. There is really a baby growing in my tummy. People ask if I cried, and you know what? I didn't. She turned the screen and showed me the little flutter of the heart and I smiled and released a huge sigh of relief. This is actually real!!!! WOW!!!!

Do you Believe in Miracles????

I have always believed in miracles. Our family has been blessed with a very recent modern day miracle. A miracle that I never thought I would announce in my life .......

I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!

No I am not joking, and it is too early for April Fools! I, Kira Palmer, am actually pregnant and can hardly believe that I am even typing these words right now!

I was at peace with our life. I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a mother to two angels sent to this earth. I have had the privileged honor of experiencing the beauty and spirit of adoption and now I get to understand what it is like to grow a person inside of me. I am in awe of the plan that Heavenly Father has for my life. Justin and I gave up control a long, LONG, LOOONNNGG time ago and His plan has been perfect. We were always Evan and Landon's parents and now that they are here we are supposed to bring this little one to earth. Landon was born 2 years and 1 month from Evan and this one will be around 2 years 2 months younger than Landon. For a family who CANNOT plan their children, that is pretty impressive!!! We will even be in the new house by the time this one is born. Heavenly Father truly has amazing timing.

I have to admit that I am still in a bit of shock, but the blood work doesn't lie.

We can't believe it!!!!!

More to come in following posts.

tender words

This weekend I had a conversation with Evan that made me smile and broke my heart all at the same time. I had given him 3 chocolates, because he is 3 years old. He then says to me:

E: "Mom, when I am big I will get 4 chocolates right?"
K: "Yes Evan, that is really good, when you are 4 you will get 4 chocolates"
E: "When I am bigger I will be able to walk. I won't need my wheelchair anymore because I will be able to walk."
K: "You think you will be able to walk when you are bigger?"
E: "Yes, when I am 14 I will be able to walk."
K: "Do you think that they will cure SMA when you are 14?"
E: "YES!! They will cure SMA and then I will walk when I am 14. Mom, maybe we should pray right now so they will cure SMA!"
K: "Evan, I think that is a good idea"
E: (folds his arms right there and says) "Dear Heavenly Father, thank you for SMA and that I can walk when I am 14. Name of Jesus Christ Amen."

I think we can all learn a lesson from the amount of faith in God this little boy has.

A NIGHT WITH GERSHWIN

A NIGHT WITH GERSHWIN

7:00 PM

February 18, 2011

Cardel Theater in Quarry Park

I started a group a while ago, a woodwind Quintet to be exact. Well ......... we have our first concert!!!! Please please please come and hear us play! I think it will be a great evening out. The tickets are $15 a person and cash is preferred (just because of the size of our group). Please come, we need at least 15 people to come to cover our cost of the theater.

COME COME COME

My Angels

I can't believe that it has been so long since I have officially recorded what my boys are up to. I have been keeping a written record of some of the things that they are doing and saying, so here they are.

(p.s. I can't get my typing to uncenter ... annoying!)

Today we traced their bodies and let them decorate them. They were so proud of their little bodies. Landon was mad we didn't let him use markers (we've tried that already), Evan made himself a pirate.

- Our cleaners were finished working and Isabel gave Evan a hug goodbye. She was sweating pretty badly. When they had left Evan wiped his face and said: "Is that water on her face?"

-In school Evan is learning the letters of his name. He was laying in bed with Justin and says, pointing to our digital clock: "Dad, look at the time. It's 'E' o'clock!" (remember that the digital 3 looks like a backwards E)

-During Christmastime we talked a lot about the nativity story. When we were reviewing it one time we asked Evan if he remembered what gifts the wisemen brought baby Jesus. He said: "Gold, Frankincense, and FUR"

-Evan was giving Justin directions. He said: "Daddy we go to the mall. You turn right at the left road."

-Randomly Evan says to me: "I love you Mama. I love Daddy too, because he is silly." Evan nailed him right on!!! Daddy is silly!!! :-)

-Evan will sometimes pretend to be spiderman, but he isn't strong enough to get his fingers into the "web shooting position", so he will push his fingers down with his other hand to "get me with his webs". It really is so cute to see!

-this last Christmas Evan's favorite Christmas songs were "Jingle Bells" and "Holly Jolly Christmas"

-when asked how much something cost, Evan said "they are 11:30 bucks"

-Evan and Justin were reading a book about the body and he pointed to a picture of a sperm and asked, "Daddy, what's that?" When I asked Justin how he responded he told me that he just changed the subject.

This little boy Landon is a handful! He is constantly moving, unbelievably curious, and soo grown up! I can't believe that my little tiny baby is such a big boy.

-One of Landon's favorite things is to be with his big brother. No Joke, I think these little boys had to have been great friends before they came to this earth. Landon doesn't need as much sleep as Evan needs. He can hear Evan wake up before I can and runs so fast to his door and trys to open it. When he realizes he cannot open the door he starts banging on it and yelling, "Nenan, Nenan, Nenan." Once he is in the room and I lift him onto the bed he is on top of Evan giving the biggest hugs you have ever seen. He loves his brother!

For months and months every single animal barked like a dog, and let me tell you ... Landon sounds like a dog when he barks! Finally in the last couple of weeks he has began to recognize other animal sounds as well. He can now "meow", "roar", and "quack". So cute!!!!!

Landon LOVES to dance!!!!! Loves loves loves to Dance!!!

This week Landon started calling Justin "Dadda". Up until now we have both been "Mum"

Landon is trying to talk so much! He tries to imitate all sorts of words.

Today was our sweet Landon's first day of nursery!! Yeah, wooohooo, yippeeee!!!! Do you think we were excited? Landon had no problem going to nursery, in fact .... he didn't even look back. He loved it! He is the biggest kid in there, and definitely the MOST ACTIVE too.

p.s. Landon weighs 28 lbs. now.

what we need

I have been thinking a lot the last couple of days about my life.

I am so grateful that God knows me. My Heavenly Father knows what I need. I know people might be shocked to hear me say this, BUT I am where I need to be. Florida will always be my heaven on earth, but my family needs to be here. That is why we felt so strongly about coming here. I can see very clearly that the people that are in our life, personally and professionally, were placed in our path for our good. I am grateful that people are willing to be our angels in our times of grief, joy, shock, and awe.

Trials are a tricky thing. They are hard, some are devastatingly sad, but I have desperately needed every one of them. My trials have taught me patience. My trials have taught me trust. My trials have taught me unconditional love. My trials have kept me close to God. I am a better person because I have experienced the things I have. Because of my trials I celebrate all of my blessings! I can so easily recognize now the smallest to the largest of my blessings, and I am in constant awe of how much God in heaven loves me.

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Now with all of that said, and not to diminish the direction my thoughts have been lately .......
I just wish that I didn't need to leave my purse, wallet, and camera in the shopping cart at Michaels. Oh well, I know there is a lesson in that somewhere. Pay better attention next time right?