It finally happened

This blog is hard to write.

There are two moments in Evan's life that I have always known would come.  The question was when would they happen and how would he feel about them.

1) When Evan truly understands what being adopted means.
2) When Evan truly understands what it means to have SMA.

We have always taken a very honest approach with our children.  I never want to lie to them.  If they ask me a question I'm going to give them an honest answer (age appropriate, but honest).

Three days ago Evan's teachers called me at home to tell me what happened at school.  For two days Evan had been telling people that he was excited for his birthday because he would be able to walk.  After a couple times of hearing this the teachers asked him why he thought that.  His answer was that you are a baby when you are four, but when you turn five you are a big boy and big boys walk.  It was his birthday wish to walk on his birthday, so he knew that he would be able to walk.

At this point the occupational therapist stepped in.  She asked him how he came up with this.  Evan told her that he had just figured it out and wasn't that so exciting?  Kaylie just said to him, "well you know Evan, your legs might not be ready to walk when you turn five.  His teacher said that at that point he sat and thought about it for a second and said "don't worry, I will still be a happy boy, even if I can't walk."

Though I was in tears on the phone I was grateful for the heads up and decided that I would be aware but not bring it up unless Evan wanted to talk to me about it.  I wanted him to be able to process things on his own time frame.  Little did I know it would be so soon.

The next day, out of the blue, Evan asked me if he would be able to walk on his birthday.  I asked him why he was thinking about it and he said that he wanted to walk.  I told him that he probably wouldn't be able to walk, and asked him how he felt about that.  He thought about it and said that it made him sad and he didn't want to have SMA anymore.  I told Evan that I felt the same way but that it was alright.  I reminded him about his friends, whom he ADORES!!  I reminded him that Ishan was 10 and couldn't walk but that he is still pretty darn cool.  He is a master at sword fighting, and loves video games just like Evan.  I reminded Evan how much he loves Ishan and told him that he is just like him.  Then I reminded Evan that he was made exactly the way God needed him to be.  I told him that he is perfect because God made him.  I asked him if he would be able to remember that and he said that he would try, but he might forget sometimes, but not to worry because he would still be a happy boy.

Fast forward to that afternoon.  While sitting on the toilet Evan told his teacher that he had really sad news to tell her.  He said that he wouldn't be able to walk on his birthday, but it was alright because he has some friends just like him and they can't walk either.

Now today at lunch we are eating our food and Evan tells me a story.  He says, "Mom, do you remember how there was a man who couldn't see and Jesus put mud on his eyes and healed him? I like that story."  I told him that I liked that story too.  Then I asked him if we got to see Jesus come again would he like to ask Jesus to heal him.  He said yes and then says, "I know!!!  Lets pray for Jesus to come and visit us.  Everyone fold your arms."  All I could say was beautiful prayer, and it was.

I just want him to know that he can still do whatever he wants to do.  I want him to know how much he is loved, and I want him to know he is of value.