Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Apologies

I am hereby apologizing:

-Sorry. Lately I haven't been a great commenter (ok, I haven't commented at all)! I love checking blogs. In fact it has been a great source of distraction through all of this stuff that I have been going through. I love y'all and I swear I am reading, but usually when I am reading blogs I have been wallowing a little in my own self pity. I promise I am coming back and I will start spreading my love again soon.

-Sorry my blogs have been fairly depressing ... not like this one is helping my run of optimism.

-Sorry there haven't been any pictures. It is too cold in our basement where I need to load the pictures, and my posts have been too depressing to put up a picture. Once this weather decides to change I just might brave the basement.

Alright, enough of the apologies.

Saturday was amazing. The performance rocked and I really hope hope hope that I can audition well enough to earn a full time position with them. I know they want me. They have been very open and clear about that. I desperately want to play with them. I wish they could just award me the spot without me having to audition. Oh well, things are always better when you earn them .... right???

Sunday was hard. I went to church for the first time since I lost the baby. I was conducting the hymns for the congregation. I almost lost it during the first two hymns, was ok during the third, and had my friend conduct the last hymn (THANK YOU KRISTEN) because I knew that there was no way I could make it through that one. I pretty much cried the rest of the time. Now that that is over and done with I think it will be easier.

I know I will never forget this baby that grew inside of me for 11 weeks, but it really is interesting how differently I feel now. Before when people would ask me how I felt, I couldn't really feel the difference from before (except the exhaustion, hunger, and boobs) but now that the baby is gone I totally feel a difference. Nothing else really to say about it, just it feels very different.

I am excited to be a parent volunteer on Evan's field trip tomorrow. I hope it isn't snowing because that would totally put a damper on our outdoor adventure (especially since Landon is sick and he is coming with us). Wish us luck!!!

11 comments:

Lisa said...

Glad to hear the concert went well. When do you audition again? Have fun on the field trip. I loved going on field trips with you kids :)

Dorienne said...

You don't need to apologize about these things. If blog hopping is helping you pass the time then do it. I certainly don't expect a comment! And never apologize for the tone/sadness of your posts right now. A blog is a reflection of what is happening in our lives at this moment. What you are experiencing right now deserves to feel everything you feel. Express it and share away. We want to be here for you.

motherofangels said...

Oh lady! It is okay to have those moments. You are entitled to the feelings you are having and take as long as you need!

You know me and I love your honesty. Your blog refects your current feeligns and life and that is what if should do!

LOVE YOU!!

Alicia said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Alicia said...

Oh those days sound familiar... that first time going back to church, going back to the doctors office, the date will come that your sweet baby should have been born. Oh Kira, I cry with you with so many emotions. I'm so thankful that you have a good support group up there. Cry it out and never apologize for your feelings. I love how real you are and how you do express your feelings. Please share them, your blog will become your "therapy" (it is for me) and make each day a little easier to breath. I totally do the same thing, blog hopping. I love you girl!! I do check on you daily... i'm only a phone call away if you need to chat.

March 22, 2011 12:10 PM

Ricky said...

You are truly amazing!! :)

Alycia (Crowley Party) said...

Wish I could have gone to your concert :) I am sure they just need to follow the formality of an audition, but how exciting! Don't apologize for what you write on your blog, it is YOUR blog and how YOU are feeling and about YOUR life and whatever you want to write about :) LOVE YOU KIRA!
Wish I lived closer so we could watch girly movies and eat junk food.

Lisa said...

I want to live closer to so I can join in on the girlie movies and junk food but first I'd have to be done with this diet :)

Claudia said...

My dear Kira, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Don't apologize, you are the most raw person I know. You have always shared your experiences and I love that about you. Having suffered 2 miscarriages I can relate to the after feeling, it sucks. I remembered the boob pain, the light nausea, the tiredness and then it was over. I know for a fact that when you let Heavenly Father in, like really really into your heart and you submit to his atonement and realize that He has felt what you are going through, a sweet wave of relief will hit you and all will be well. I will shed tears for you my dear, from one heart sister to another- I love you girl!

Teresa said...

No need to apologize, seriously. I appreciate you sharing your experiences for so many reasons, and most importantly, so we could remember you and your family in our prayers. I have had my share of Sundays spent sobbing and blog-hop fasts...blogs and the Sunday congregations aren't always the easiest places for certain trials. Therefore, no apologies!! You are amazing, and continue to be in our thoughts and prayers.

Heidi said...

I love you, Kira. I wish we could see each other more often. Take care and I hope you get a full-time spot too.

By the way, I didn't know it was common/normal to have "moments" like you described in one of your posts. That was nice to know.

Love you!