Wednesday, November 11, 2009

confused

Justin is getting us a house keeper. I don't really know how to feel. I know I am not super human and I can't do it all (although I can get really close sometimes :-) I don't expect myself to be perfect either. There is a part of me that is thrilled and can see this as the gift that it is. I don't live a normal life. Having a child with a handicap makes it so I can't send him down to the basement to play while I take an hour to really focus on cleaning. He can't really clean up after himself, and I generally have to be in the same room as him for his own safety. I don't want anyone to think this is complaining. I spend more quality time with my kids and I see that as a gift. Landon is determined to be on a different schedule than Evan and if they do end up sleeping at the same time I am tired and want to sleep OR I need to eat. I refuse to ignore my kids in order to have a clean house, but what ends up happening is that I ignore me to clean my house. I don't do the important things that make me tick. This will give me some time to do those things and not give up my time with my babies. I am grateful for this gift .....

But there is still a part of me that feels guilty. That feels that I just wasn't good enough to do it all.

9 comments:

Lacy said...

I understand your confusion. After I had Millie, Mima paid for her lady to come clean my house about six weeks or so. It was really nice but also made me feel guilty. I say, enjoy it! It doesn't have tot be forever and getting ready for the cleaning lady to come will require some work from you- so it is not like you never have to lift a finger again. I am happy for you.

Lisa L said...

Don't feel guilty. Embrace it and enjoy it and use your free time wisely. I would have given anything to have someone come in and help out once a week or every other week when all of you 6 kids were home.....I still would and I only have one home.
P.S. You also need to remember that no one is perfect and that even those who seem to have it all together from all outward appearances have their own little things they struggle with that none of us see.

The Hall Family said...

It is SO hard to remember yourself when you're a mommy - I can't remember the last time I bought ME a new outfit or a special treat! I understand your confusion - I only have ONE kid and have difficulty getting it all done, as much as I'd love to and as much as I feel it's my responsibility. It's hard not to take it personally - but I agree - embrace it and enjoy it! You deserve a little break with as hard as you work.

KIRA! I MISS MY FRIEND! We MUST find a way to reunite:)

motherofangels said...

I felt the same way when barry got one for me, but it was really nice... while it lasted :)

Debbi said...

This is his way of saying "let me help". He KNOWS you're a great mom, which is why he's not wanting you to step away from that to start cleaning more. This is his compliment to you-- "keep being that great Mom, and I'll make sure you have no other worries".

Embrace it.

Lynn said...

Oooo! NICE gift! Embrace the gift! : D

I TOTALLY agree with your mom and all the other commenters. Enjoy the time with your kids.

Keshia said...

I know just how you feel! We have one and it took me a while to get used to it (still not super used to it). But honestly and truly I do love having mine come over... for one it forces me to tidy my house every week before she comes and it relieves some of my stress since when I'm not working or playing with my kids i don't want to freak out about cleaning. Don't worry... you'll get used to it and see what a blessing it is! What made me finally become really comfortable with it was i saw how much my cleaner appreciated the work and wanted to support her family, and I was helping her to do that!

Angela said...

funny, I've been arguing with myself about this exact same thing for about 6 months now, I even scheduled interviews, then cancelled them because i felt guilty. and i work full time, too. I worry that the money could be better spent, that I could do the cleaning if I just did a bit every nite, and on and on. I would really like a helper, but i just don't know if I could get over the guilt thing. So, I think you should give it a try, and see how it goes... if it doesn't work, it doesn't work and if it does, I'm glad you have given yourself the thumbs-up. you deserve it.
xoxo

Grandpa said...

Do not feel quilty.