Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Isolation

I know I don't lead a "normal" life, nobody who lives with a handicap does. I have never actually considered myself a "normal" girl. I was just at a function with a large group of women in the same stage of life as me. I was sitting alone most of the time and I realized that I am probably not always great company to be around. I really can't relate to their lives. The conversations mostly revolve around their children and pregnancy. I have never been pregnant, so can't contribute to those conversations. The life I lead with my children is GREAT but it is very different than what most people experience as normal. I cannot contribute to most of the issues that they face. Maybe I will with Landon, but not Evan. Having a handicap child can be quite isolating. This is not the first time I have felt this isolation, and I know it won't be the last time either.

On the flip side, I took Evan to a "Music Makers" class today. He loved it and reveled in singing the songs and doing the actions. We sang, ran, danced, and jumped around together. The interaction with other kids his age is so beneficial and I love seeing him having "conversations" with his peers. Studies have shown that children with SMA are very bright. Evan proves this to me day in and day out. Often times he was the only one actually singing (or trying to sing) the songs in the class. At only 2 years old that is amazing. It is a major blessing to be able to communicate with my child on a fairly intelligent level. I am biased, but I do have to say that Evan was THE cutest kid in the class.

14 comments:

Carla McDaniel said...

i know i can't in no way understand how isolated you may feel...but i think you are great company...there is more to talk about than just our children and pregnancy.
you are a great wonderful mom and wife...but a great friend too!! :)

Bree Johnson said...

i agree i love being around you and think your amazing- just so you know you inspire me mucho

Christy said...

People are naturally drawn to you because you are fun, happy, upbeat and great company! Sorry you felt that way... I think we all have "off" nights when we don't know where we fit in exactly... I know I definately do!

motherofangels said...

I feel sad to think you feel that way. Just know that I feel isolated at times too, obviously for different reasons, but I think everyone does. We love hearing your stories about raising evan and landon. He is quite a funny and charming child! Look on the bright side, I may never get the chance to experience adopting. As amazing of an experience I think it would be, Barry would most likely never want to. I think there are a lot of things about your life that people LOVE to hear about!!! Keep your smile on!!! We love you :)

Teresa said...

I definitely empathize with your isolation, and how hard certain social situations can be...for me it was a baby shower. I spent a few years boycotting those (unless I knew the food would be exceptionally good)! You are an incredible person, and I hope you can find support from those who have experienced something similar to your trials, or who are understanding of a little of what you are experiencing. Those are the angels who have saved me...including you and Amanda. You seriously are an incredible mom, and I think most ladies would give anything to have your bod after bringing home a baby :).

Melanie said...

I agree with so many of these comments. I have begun to feel it is a tool to make us feel alone. I think we all feel it often--I think you are great, what is normal anyway? Love you--I went to a GNO the other night and it was exactly as you described, I was the oldest one there(things have not changed much:)) Wish I could come and see your beautiful smart kids!!

Ang said...

I think that you're absolutely wonderful! I am so grateful to know you and for everything you do for your family and friends. You're definitely an inspiration and loved by many :)

Dorienne said...

I don't know what it is like to walk in your shoes. We all have our own struggles, just different from each other. I do appreciate how friendly and outgoing you are. It's fun to be around you.

Keshia said...

well Kira, I think you're awesome and I'm not even going to try to say I know what you feel like 'cause I have no idea, but with the isolation, i can empathize. But you do need to know you are loved and are a wonderful person and I really like being around you, you have this warm kindness that draws others in.

Michelle said...

I think we all feel isolated at some point in our lives, for different reasons. Just know that you are a wonderful person with so much to offer! And I think we all learn from what an amazing mother you are.

Lynn said...

Ditto to all the other commenters.

I do not know what infertility is like, however, I do have a daughter who is experiencing that same trial. I have just a hint of what you might be feeling like somedays.

Just know that as with all trials....whenever there is something that we feel is "missing" in our lives.....thats when ALL those talents and gifts seem to outshine the trials and project out to those around us.

You are an amazing mother. Just think....if you didn't have this trial in your life.......would Evan be in your life? What a little ray of blessing he is, eh?? : D

Angela said...

we love you...

Tanya said...

Evan is SO great to have in the class - I'm glad you guys are coming! He's such a happy smiley little guy - my boys love him. (those are the second cutest kids in the class:)
I have to say, I'm grateful for you opening up on your blog. You have some incredible challenges and wonderful experiences that are diferent from mine and I feel a little nosey always asking about things. I'm sure you don't always want to talk about it when I can't relate either, so again, thanks for sharing!

Heidi said...

Sheesh, I think you're some of the best company there is Kira. I wish I could have more of it! And watching you with Evan is inspiring--you two totally work together well. Wish Lily and Evan could play together more.