Thursday, July 8, 2010


Why do people feel bad when I tell them my boys are adopted? This happens quite often to me. It always starts the same way ... (I will use the version I got at the pool yesterday)

stranger: "Wow ... are both of these boys yours?"
me: "YES" :-)
stranger: "You look amazing!!"
me: "Thank you so much"
stranger: "How on earth did you do it? I mean, wow!!"

(if I am tired I will just say something like, "oh I'm really good!" or "good genes" or "exercise" I mean all ARE true :-)

me: "Oh well, they are adopted, so it is a little different for me"
stranger: "Oh, they are? (sheepish look and the voice always drops to a whisper) I'm sorry. Are they both adopted?
me: "Yep!! You don't have to be sorry."
stranger: "I didn't know" (and they keep apologizing over and over again)

I actually don't really get it. Are they sorry they gave me a compliment? Sorry I look good? Sorry that I adopted my children?

p.s. speaking of the pool ... my poor Evan really decided to challenge me as a mother yesterday. We have had countless conversations about water and his wheel chair. I know he is young, but he really does get it. So imagine my reaction when he drove his wheel chair into the SHOWER!!! Thankfully I drove it out of the water, threw a very wet, very naked baby in the play pen area and kept the hot air blowing on the chair for a long while. Everything still works, which is good because we would have to pay to replace things and we cannot afford that!!

About 5 minutes later we are in the car driving home. Evan is playing with a maggot ball (one of those balls that you squish and gunk pops out of the holes). When I let him play with it we had the conversation that he was not to use his teeth to squish the ball. What does he do?? He pokes it with a stick and starts drinking the liquid!!!! I pull over on the freeway and am calling Justin to see if I need to call poison control. Evan ended up being fine, but I tell you I was so grateful for his nap!!!



Lisa said...

Yes, all I can say is "Boys!"

The Meyers said...

Well I am sorry people have to say stuff like that!

Rachel said...

Well, anyone with kids knows that you will never love someone else's kids as much as you love your own. So some people probably assume that since your babies came you to in a different way, they're kind of someone else's. Which is ridiculous, because the love a parent has for their child isn't just something that switches on when they exit your body. It grows as you care for them and watch them grow...which is exactly the same for you as for me!

Or, maybe people feel like they're bringing up an uncomfortable subject? Infertility is such a taboo topic in society, maybe they feel like they're prying?

Lynn said...

I agree with Rachel. Her last paragraph there. Some people apologize because they think they just accidentally pried into a personal and private area of someone's life. My own daughter is going through this and it's a very touchy and heartbreaking subject for her. I think some people just don't know what to say when the subject of infertility is "there".

However......with that being said.....I think this woman you talked with should of just calmed down and took note that you were just fine and that she should of stopped apologizing when you asked her to. ; D

Heidi said...

Wow, he's keeping you on your toes.